Newly engaged couples

Congratulations on your engagement! In the midst of planning your wedding, you might need general advice on navigating life as a newly engaged couple. We give expert advice on topics like navigating a long distance engagement and answer questions like how to introduce your fiance to your family. We're here to guide and support you, in all ways, throughout this journey!

All Dating Newly engaged couples Newlywed couples Anniversaries

What is Engagement Anxiety?Do you feel like you’re developing engagement anxiety? Learn about the signs and how to treat it with this complete guide.

Featured

couple with partner and parents who don't get along

5 Reasons Your Parents and Fiancé Don't Get Along—and How to Deal

Inspiration

There are many common reasons your parents many not like your fiancé. Licensed therapists share what to do and how to talk about it when your parents and partner don't get along.

engaged couple's families meet for the first time

How To Introduce Your Families Post-Engagement

How To

Not every couple's families have the opportunity to meet before the engagement. Here's how to gracefully introduce your families post-engagement.

How to Combine Your Things and Move In Together

How-To

Moving in with your SO? Here's how to combine your things and move in together—free of fighting, stress, or giving up your favorite stuff.

Newlyweds Holding Hands changing name surname

What No One Tells You About Changing Your Name

Inspiration

Planning a wedding leads to a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, you’re filled with excitement, about to marry the love of your life surrounded by your friends and family. On the other hand, you’ve never been so stressed trying to balance finding invitations with cake tastings, dress fittings and a million other details.

8 Top Advice for Engaged Couples Before Tying the Knot

Advice

Getting ready to walk down the aisle? Review this top advice for engaged couples before saying your “I dos!” Read on now.

All Newly engaged couples articles

Relationship advice

What No One Tells You About Changing Your Name

Relationship advice

54% of Engaged Americans Disagree With Partner on Financial Goals

A new NerdWallet survey, developed with advertising partner Zola, finds that many engaged Americans are facing money challenges while planning their weddings.

Relationship advice

8 Top Advice for Engaged Couples Before Tying the Knot

Getting ready to walk down the aisle? Review this top advice for engaged couples before saying your “I dos!” Read on now.

Relationship advice

How to Combine Your Things and Move In Together

Moving in with your SO? Here's how to combine your things and move in together—free of fighting, stress, or giving up your favorite stuff.

Relationship advice

How to Handle a Long Engagement

Find out our top tips and advice on how to handle a long engagement with this comprehensive guide. Read on to learn more today.

Relationship advice

How To Introduce Your Families Post-Engagement

Not every couple's families have the opportunity to meet before the engagement. Here's how to gracefully introduce your families post-engagement.

Relationship advice

5 Reasons Your Parents and Fiancé Don't Get Along—and How to Deal

There are many common reasons your parents many not like your fiancé. Licensed therapists share what to do and how to talk about it when your parents and partner don't get along.

Relationship advice

What is Engagement Anxiety?

Do you feel like you’re developing engagement anxiety? Learn about the signs and how to treat it with this complete guide.

Back

Find even more wedding ideas, inspo, tips, and tricks

We’ve got wedding planning advice on everything from save the dates to wedding cakes.

\n \n \n\n\n\n\n\n\n \n ","subtopicPage":{"articles":[{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"changing-your-name","title":" What No One Tells You About Changing Your Name","excerpt":"Planning a wedding leads to a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, you’re filled with excitement, about to marry the love of your life surrounded by your friends and family. On the other hand, you’ve never been so stressed trying to balance finding invitations with cake tastings, dress fittings and a million other details.\n","publishedAt":"2019-04-23T18:53:48.210Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5b3vTxyYWsCHboaWqTwACy/415a598b61697f6478a6d48e7f410c94/4031118.jpg","altText":"Newlyweds Holding Hands changing name surname"},"heroCredit":" Erin L. Taylor Photography","heroCreditUrl":"https://www.zola.com/inspiration/wedding-photographers/erin-l-taylor-photography","body":"---\n*__Content by our partners at Née Name Change. We may earn compensation if you click the link or button below.__*\n\n---\n","tag":"Inspiration","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"sponsorCta":{"copy":"Get Started","url":"https://www.zola.com/shop/brand/nee-name-change"},"sponsorName":"Née Name Change","sponsorAbout":"It's simple. You want the name change without the hassle, without a headache, and let's face it, without the wait. We get it; you got better things to do than wait in a line for hours and fill out countless (and probably outdated) applications. Here at Née Name Change, we want you to rest assured. We've got you covered! Simply provide us with your basic information, and we provide the rest. The future of name change has evolved, and we're here to prove to you just how easy it can be. \n\nWith Née Name Change you can now change your name online, instead of in-line!\n","sponsoredBottomContent":"Planning a wedding leads to a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, you’re filled with excitement, about to marry the love of your life surrounded by your friends and family. On the other hand, you’ve never been so stressed trying to balance finding invitations with cake tastings, dress fittings and a million other details.\n\nThe last thing you want to do is spend hours filling out paperwork and on the phone informing dozens of entities about your [name change after marriage](https://zola.com/expert-advice/name-change-after-marriage). However, if you go about this process the old-fashioned way, that’s exactly what you’ll end up doing. Here’s what no one tells you about changing your name (and how to avoid this process altogether… hint hint [Née Name Change](https://www.zola.com/shop/brand/nee-name-change)\n\n## YOU HAVE OPTIONS\nBefore you start the process, you need to decide what name you’ll take. Changing your name doesn’t necessarily mean dropping your last name and replacing it with your soon to be husbands. Although that’s pretty common, more brides are choosing alternative methods, that are better suited for their personal or professional needs.\nIn most states, men and women can legally change their last name to their new spouse’s last name, hyphenate their two last names, or even create an entirely new name with a combination of both of their last names. #Trendy\n\n## NOT JUST A ONE-STOP-SHOP\nJust like when you and your friends head to a bottomless mimosa brunch, it’s important to remind yourself that this is a marathon, not a sprint. It can get pretty overwhelming with all the different paperwork and places you have to notify. The process itself is time-consuming and requires a lot of patience. You have to prepare to spend a good amount checking off all the boxes before completing your name change.\n\n## YOU HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE… WE MEAN EVERYONE\nYou don’t realize how important your name is until you change it. When you do enter this process, you need to notify the Social Security Administration, the IRS and the DMV for your new paperwork and license. You will also need to inform banks, credit card companies, and utility companies. Any documentation- like your passport- will also need to be updated.\n\nYou’ll need to get new checks, notify the post office, and update your medical records and insurance. If you have legal documents like a will or trust, you’ll want to look into changing them as well. Employers as well as friends and family members, should also be notified. *Insert deep breath here*\n\n## WHAT TO DO ABOUT KIDS…\nIf you are not married yet and you’re having a child, the baby will automatically take the mother’s last name unless you as parents request otherwise. If you are travelling alone with children whose last name doesn’t match your own, you might have to provide a notarized letter saying that the child is indeed yours.\nHaving a different last name than your child can make it difficult not just while travelling, but when it comes to doctor’s appointments and schooling.\n\n## THERE’S GOOD NEWS\nFeeling overwhelmed yet? The good news is you’ve come to the right place. At [Née Name Change](https://www.zola.com/shop/brand/nee-name-change), our goal is to simplify this process for you, so you can focus on more important things like bonding with your (not so warm and fuzzy) mother-in-law.\nWith our help, you won’t need to worry about where to start. We take care of gathering which forms you’ll need, showing you how to fill them out, and submitting applications. You can thank us later.\n","sponsorLogoImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3OiDHetvmksiT1f9MOlzRf/d20beff46b642b93b02a57f9411f3d4a/1.png","altText":"Née Name Change"},"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-11-22T19:03:03.574Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"54-of-engaged-americans-disagree-with-partner-on-financial-goals","title":"54% of Engaged Americans Disagree With Partner on Financial Goals","excerpt":"A new NerdWallet survey, developed with advertising partner Zola, finds that many engaged Americans are facing money challenges while planning their weddings.","author":"NerdWallet","publishedAt":"2023-09-19T20:43:37.092Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/OwBI58GUFVFLuzMHPCCcg/089f4480ebcec237cd9b464114799706/GettyImages-1285121561-2400x1440.jpg","altText":"54% of Engaged Americans Disagree With Partner on Financial Goals"},"heroCredit":"Getty Images","body":"*Originally published on [NerdWallet.com](https://www.nerdwallet.com/?trk=nw_gn_6.0/?&utm_campaign=br_mktg_paid_100223_zola&utm_source=zola&utm_medium=digital_br)\n\n---\n\nPlanning a wedding comes with a long to-do list: choose the wedding party, send out the invites, taste cakes and so on. But something you may not think to do is have a talk about your financial values with your partner before walking down the aisle.\n\nMore than two-thirds of engaged Americans (67%) say they’ve found it difficult to have a serious financial conversation with their fiancé or fiancée, according to a new survey NerdWallet developed in partnership with its advertising partner Zola.com, a one-stop-shop wedding planning platform. This may have a cost: 70% of engaged Americans say they’re facing money challenges during wedding planning, which is likely not helped by their reticence to talk about finances.\n\nThe survey of more than 2,000 U.S. adults — among whom 133 are currently engaged and 1,018 are married — conducted online by The Harris Poll, asked engaged Americans about the financial struggles they’re facing as they plan weddings. We also asked married Americans what money topics they didn’t talk about prior to marriage, but wish they had.\n\n## Key findings\n\n- __Some engaged couples are trying to balance their wedding with other money goals.__ According to the survey, 3 in 10 engaged Americans (30%) say a money challenge they’re facing during wedding planning is juggling multiple financial priorities at the same time as paying for a wedding.\n- __Many married Americans regret forgoing prenuptial money talks, despite difficulty.__ Three in 5 married Americans (60%) say there are financial topics they didn’t discuss, but wished they had, before getting married. This despite more than half of married Americans (53%) saying they have found it difficult to have a serious financial conversation with their spouse.\n- __More than half of engaged Americans don’t agree on financial goals.__ The survey found that 54% of engaged Americans don’t agree on their financial goals with their partner and more than a quarter of engaged Americans (26%) argue with their partner about money regularly.\n\n“Money stresses can loom over newly hitched couples, creating hiccups during the first years of marriage. Some of that strain can be avoided by talking about finances early and aligning goals, expectations and habits with each other,” says Kimberly Palmer, a personal finance expert at NerdWallet. \n\n## Wedding planning is plagued by money struggles for many\n\nThe way to the altar can be a pricey one: Weddings can cost tens of thousands of dollars (or more), and according to the survey, 7 in 10 engaged Americans (70%) say they’re facing money challenges during the planning process. Of engaged Americans, 30% say one of the biggest money challenges they’re facing is juggling multiple financial priorities while paying for a wedding, and 22% say the same of going over budget on their wedding.\n\n“In our experience advising our couples, a large source of stress is staying on top of all of the expenses associated with planning a dream wedding,” says Emily Forrest, director of communications at Zola. “For many couples, this is the first time that they are in charge of a substantial budget, which can be overwhelming.”\n\n[![NerdWallet Infographic 1](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5Za3ujYFi2Mmdck6EvyIOZ/99185f575fb178fade8007ff74f7cddf/Screenshot_2023-09-19_at_4.26.02_PM.png)](https://infogram.com/engaged-money-challenges-1h8n6m3xgnoej4x)\n\nMore than 1 in 5 engaged Americans (21%) say one of the biggest money challenges they’re facing during wedding planning is that they don’t agree with their partner on how much they should spend overall on their wedding, and for some, this may result in financial repercussions after “I do”. Around 1 in 8 engaged Americans (13%) say the same of having to go into debt to pay for their wedding.\n\n## Money talk is difficult for some, but a necessary premarital task\n\nGetting on the same page with your partner about money before marriage may seem about as romantic as biannual dental cleanings, but like the latter, it’s really smart. Money can fund your goals as a couple — like buying a home or traveling the world — but only if you both work together to make a financial plan. This isn’t always easy; the survey found that more than half of married and engaged Americans (55%) have found it difficult to have a serious financial conversation with their significant other. The No. 1 reason why? Nearly a quarter (24%) say they didn’t want to create conflict.\n\n[![NerdWallet Infographic 2](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1fPq6tIjTWQjzOzmO5rB2V/f72c2e44007b9ce1d4be08d5fe787ef8/Screenshot_2023-09-19_at_4.28.22_PM.png)](https://infogram.com/difficulty-to-have-serious-money-convo-1ho16vo9qm8k84)\n\nFor some married and engaged Americans, they aren’t necessarily actively avoiding the conversation. According to the survey, 14% have found it difficult to have a serious money conversation with their partner because they didn’t think to bring up the topic and 12% say it’s because they didn’t think it was important to discuss. But this conversation is arguably one of the most important premarital talks you’ll have, as evidenced by how many married Americans say they wish they had talked about money topics before getting married.\n\nThe survey found that 3 in 5 married Americans (60%) say there are financial topics they didn’t discuss with their spouse but wish they had before getting married. For nearly 3 in 10 married Americans (29%), the missed money conversation they wish they’d had with their spouse before marriage was about their financial goals.\n\n[![NerdWallet Infographic 3](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1Wg60masDqUZcE3KIO5VfH/a656e9ddf97e3b187406aad390655367/Screenshot_2023-09-19_at_4.30.25_PM.png)](https://infogram.com/financial-topics-not-discussed-before-marriage-1h7z2l83d0vvx6o)\n\nSome other financial topics that went unbreached for some married Americans before marriage are income (19%), debt (23%) and financial help provided to family members (14%), all of which could significantly impact a couple’s financial life together and cause resentment if not discussed.\n\n## Some engaged Americans are having regular money fights\n\nMany engaged couples are at least somewhat on the same page financially: The survey found that nearly half of engaged Americans (46%) say they and their partner agree on their financial goals. But there’s progress to be made. Less than a third of engaged Americans (31%) say they and their partner are happy with how they’ve decided to manage their money and more than a quarter of engaged Americans (26%) say they and their partner argue about money regularly.\n\nHaving money conversations is so important, particularly when a couple has a financial imbalance, like large debt or income disparities. In the survey, we found that more than 1 in 5 engaged Americans (21%) say one partner has a lot more debt than the other. Talking about how you’ll handle this as a couple is crucial to avoiding future conflict and resentment.\n\nCouples with different upbringings — whether cultural or socioeconomic — could likely benefit even more from having these money discussions before marriage. According to the survey, a quarter of engaged Americans (25%) say they and their spouse are from different cultural backgrounds and the same proportion (25%) say they’re from different socioeconomic backgrounds. Money lessons and attitudes learned growing up could be very different for these couples, and getting on the same page may take more conversations.\n\n## What engaged couples can do\n\n### Talk about your current finances, and what you want your finances to look like when married.\n\nSit down with your spouse-to-be to [discuss your finances](https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/credit-cards/marriage-and-money-5-truths-to-tell-before-you-tie-the-knot/?&utm_campaign=br_mktg_paid_100223_zola&utm_source=zola&utm_medium=digital_br) as they currently are. Get it all on the table: your income, credit scores, debt, family obligations and spending habits. Both of you should aim to be completely transparent; enter into your marriage without money secrets, both because it’s the right thing to do and to avoid future resentment.\n\nThen talk about how you want your finances to look once you're married. According to the survey, nearly half of married Americans (47%) combine accounts completely, while 21% keep their finances completely separate from their spouse. Others contribute to a joint account 50/50 (16%) or proportionally to their income (11%) for shared expenses. How you and your partner decide to [manage your finances](https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/smart-money-podcast-when-to-merge-finances-or-not/?&utm_campaign=br_mktg_paid_100223_zola&utm_source=zola&utm_medium=digital_br) is up to you, but you’ll want to make sure you’re in agreement before you’re legally entwined.\n\nFinancial conversations may seem tedious, but they don’t have to be. There’s fun to be had even if you don’t love spreadsheets. Using money to pursue your dreams as a couple — like starting a family or retiring early to drive around the country together — can help make your marriage magical.\n\n“Talking about finances doesn’t have to focus on how money is limiting you, but rather on the possibilities it can create for your life together. Asking each other about your biggest financial dreams and then breaking down the smaller steps you need to take together to achieve those dreams can be even more romantic than a sunset cruise,” Palmer says.\n\n### If you haven’t yet, put together a wedding budget.\n\nThe survey found that 15% of engaged Americans say one of the biggest money challenges they’re facing during wedding planning is they don’t know [how to create a budget for their wedding](https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/how-to-create-wedding-budget/?&utm_campaign=br_mktg_paid_100223_zola&utm_source=zola&utm_medium=digital_br). Failing to set a budget for such a large expense can mean entering into your married life with debt. Instead, use a [free wedding budget management tool](https://www.zola.com/wedding-budget) to set limits for different spending categories, then track your actual spending as you go to keep expenses in check.\n\n“Understanding how you will fund your wedding and setting a concise budget early on ensures that you know exactly what you can and can’t afford before you start planning,” Forrest says. “We also recommend that couples have an honest discussion about what their wedding priorities are — whether it’s attire, live entertainment or late night catering — so that they can decide what they are and aren’t willing to splurge on.”\n\nWhile we don’t recommend going into debt for your wedding, it can be a good idea to put your [wedding expenses on a credit card](https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/credit-cards/credit-card-offers-engaged-wedding/?&utm_campaign=br_mktg_paid_100223_zola&utm_source=zola&utm_medium=digital_br) and pay it off in full by the due date in order to earn rewards on your purchases. It’s also worth seeking out smart [ways to lower your wedding costs](https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/ways-to-save-money-wedding/?&utm_campaign=br_mktg_paid_100223_zola&utm_source=zola&utm_medium=digital_br), if you’d like to save some extra cash for the honeymoon. Some couples also choose to set up [cash funds as part of their registry](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/50-fun-and-useful-ways-to-use-your-wedding-cash-fund), so guests can contribute to the honeymoon or other financial goals.\n\n### Set up ongoing money talks, now and into your happily ever after.\n\nAccording to the survey, nearly a quarter of engaged Americans (23%) say one partner is less interested in talking about money than the other. A benefit of marriage is that many day-to-day tasks can be divided and conquered — you do the dishes, I’ll do the laundry. But money impacts just about everything in life, and both spouses need to know what’s going on with the family finances.\n\nSchedule a regular money chat — weekly, monthly or quarterly — with your significant other. Make it fun and judgment-free, but set aside the time to talk about what’s going on with your finances, what’s working and what’s not, and the progress toward your combined goals.\n\n“Surprising someone with money questions can create additional strain, so instead, set aside a time dedicated to talking about finances in an open and non-judgmental way. If both people come prepared, it’s easier to tackle any difficult topics,” Palmer says. \n\n## Methodology\n\nNerdWallet from July 25-27, 2023, among 1,151 U.S. adults ages 18 and older who are currently married or engaged. The sampling precision of Harris online polls is measured by using a Bayesian credible interval. For this study, the sample data is accurate to within +/- 3.2 percentage points using a 95% confidence level. For complete survey methodology, including weighting variables and subgroup sample sizes, please contact Sarah Borland at sborland@nerdwallet.com.\n\n#### Disclaimer\n\nNerdWallet disclaims, expressly and impliedly, all warranties of any kind, including those of merchantability and fitness for a particular purpose or whether the article’s information is accurate, reliable or free of errors. Use or reliance on this information is at your own risk, and its completeness and accuracy are not guaranteed. The contents in this article should not be relied upon or associated with the future performance of NerdWallet or any of its affiliates or subsidiaries. Statements that are not historical facts are forward-looking statements that involve risks and uncertainties as indicated by words such as “believes,” “expects,” “estimates,” “may,” “will,” “should” or “anticipates” or similar expressions. These forward-looking statements may materially differ from NerdWallet’s presentation of information to analysts and its actual operational and financial results.","tag":"Inspiration","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"Got questions on how to finance an engagement ring? Our experts can help. Read on to find out now.","title":"How to Finance an Engagement Ring","slug":"how-to-finance-an-engagement-ring","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/ly1YKAgHTRF8cAIPdJ8yX/2b696d93ce89053fd3177a4fe5136cc4/hero_unsplash.jpg","altText":"couple admiring engagement rings"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"If you’ve never lived together before marriage, moving in can be an adjustment. Here are expert tips on how to communicate, set boundaries, and enjoy your newlywed home.","title":"7 Tips for Moving in Together After Marriage ","slug":"moving-in-together-after-marriage","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3j8BVCfLTf3DR2YhPciwcA/084910eab3e960e055782787ea631353/7-Tips-for-Moving-in-Together-after-marriage.jpg","altText":"newlyweds move in together"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Learn how wedding insurance can protect you from unforeseeable mishaps or accidents. Read about different policies and decide what’s right for your wedding. \n","title":"Wedding Insurance Resources for the Happy Couple","slug":"wedding-insurance-resources-for-the-happy-couple","topic":"Wedding planning 101","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3ht4cNlU3Y9NUPDoZE51ZI/0acb31dd70c7d48bbd36b395a7dc5300/Hero_New_IntimateElopementWeddingatSanFranciscoCityHall_StudioOpia.jpg","altText":"Couple walking together in field"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"A road trip honeymoon can be romantic and memorable. Our complete guide to planning a memorable RV honeymoon will help you plan. ","title":"How to Plan a Memorable RV Honeymoon","slug":"how-to-plan-a-memorable-rv-honeymoon","topic":"Honeymoons","tag":"How To","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1grPl5D3dvu4W8CG2vxNnB/cd30ce316f1b31e4627bb92e1e45d024/Hero_Unsplash_DinoReichmuth.jpg","altText":"RV Honeymoon"},"type":"articlePage"}],"featured":[{"excerpt":"While it may not be the most exciting item on your to-do list, setting your wedding budget is essential. We’ll break down the typical expenses, guide you through the entire process from start to finish, and tell you where you can save money. ","title":"How to Set Your Wedding Budget Step by Step","slug":"how-to-set-your-wedding-budget","topic":"Wedding planning 101","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6XhGxWHyRGrUPWWVgkBzic/91d8435955228875ec57fdf5f974f5bc/Hero_New_Unsplash.jpg","altText":"Green/bluescale image of jar of money tipped over with change spilling out"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Want to find out where your partner stands on marriage, but not sure how to broach the subject? Read on to find how and when to talk about marriage when dating.","title":"How to Talk About Marriage When Dating","slug":"how-to-talk-about-marriage-when-dating","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"How To","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4XxX5CB6Xz06uYVX1pkihD/8363ec8437cf3a9816750c0a772ef8fb/Hero_TraditionalNuptialsinMiami_InfiniteLoopPhotography_Films.jpg","altText":"Talk About Marriage When Dating"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Leftover cash funds or monetary gifts from your wedding? Maybe it's time to invest that money in a joint bank account. ","title":"How to Invest Your Cash Fund","slug":"tips-to-invest-your-cash-fund","topic":"Registry & gifts","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/53FbyU0c1xZfiE3PPXi9Cw/2581ba862f0e25535d58bc1699456cc3/How-to-Invest-Your-Cash-Fund.jpg","altText":"couple plans to invest cash fund"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"One way to save money on your big day is to have a cash bar wedding. Our guide includes cash bar etiquette and invitation wording samples. ","title":"Cash Bar at Wedding Explained + 6 Tips to Save Money","slug":"how-to-save-money-with-a-cash-bar-at-your-wedding","topic":"Venues & vendors","tag":"How To","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/2lx4Q1d0a5uHyXBsALXy1x/e0be967cded57a6c311ccecac9db8afb/inline_Emma_Cleary_Photo_and_Video.jpg","altText":"Cash Bar at Your Wedding"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:33.648Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"top-advice-for-engaged-couples","title":"8 Top Advice for Engaged Couples Before Tying the Knot","excerpt":"Getting ready to walk down the aisle? Review this top advice for engaged couples before saying your “I dos!” Read on now.","author":"Jennifer Prince","publishedAt":"2020-12-22T21:42:30.882Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5E0cadqtqJvlQoTAphPWQj/4baf2c26099e5d919932c4d204e95830/Hero_Modern_RomanticNavyStyledShoot_KristinaKarinaPhotography.jpg","altText":"Top Advice for Engaged Couples"},"heroCredit":"Kristina Karina Photography","body":"The question has been asked, celebrations have been had, and now that you are officially an engaged couple, what happens next? __[Planning the wedding](https://zola.app.link/bVto6waeI7)__ is one of the most important things, of course. But there’s still a lot of work to do before you walk down the aisle, and __[Zola](https://zola.app.link/7cWRVj2fK7)__ is here to offer the best advice. Before you spend the rest of your life together, there are lots of steps as you start planning.\n\nMany couples crave [relationship advice](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-are-the-5-most-important-things-in-a-relationship) for engaged couples to help them before starting to figure out the little things, such as color schemes and themes. Seeking pre-marriage advice is smart and can really help your relationship in the long term. It’s important to enjoy your engagement season before you say I do and become newlyweds. \n\nThese [pieces of advice](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/to-dos-after-you-get-engaged) will help ease the stress of being engaged and help relieve any engagement anxiety. After all, this is a time for you to enjoy that shouldn’t cause extra stress in your already busy lives. Here are Zola’s tips on pre-wedding advice to set your [engagement period](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/the-first-10-things-to-do-when-planning-a-wedding) up for the highest success.\n\n## 1. Enjoy Being Engaged First\n\n![Top Advice for Engaged Couples SR](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4aXQVUWHa9d7Wx6Rlov4lL/507b92b91f9c0d71a21bd0c3bfaa4786/Inline_unsplash__33_.png)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\nPlanning a wedding can be exciting, and wanting to jump on social media to shout, “I’m engaged!” is understandable, but hold off. Enjoy being engaged for a little bit, because this is such a special time—you’ll want to remember and cherish every moment. It may also be one of the most challenging times that you face as a couple. Give yourselves time to dream and bask in the glow of taking that next step to a happy engagement.\n\n## 2. Make Time for the Big Conversations\n\nIt’s time for the tough conversations of what you want the wedding to look like before you jump feet first into planning. It won’t be the easiest conversation, but you’ll want to discuss the following as the foundation for wedding planning.\n\n- __Creating a Budget:__ How much can you comfortably afford to spend? Money can be a tension trigger, and Zola is here to help you find practical ways to save money and create a __[wedding budget](https://zola.app.link/cdPFiDyN71)__. “Plan with a firm budget in mind, and have real conversations about what the wedding looks like for the two of you,” says Sharea Farmer, LCSW, owner of RS Counseling and Wellness. Creating a budget also gives you a long-term vision. “Have an honest discussion surrounding feelings of money and a budget. Make sure it’s a collaborative effort, not just left in the hands of the person who’s ‘better with money.’ This way there’s no room for confusion about what the expectation is for budgeting as a family. Talk about having joint accounts, separate accounts, and even a savings plan. How will you make the final decision on large money purchases like a home, cars, and even the wedding?” says Farmer. \n\n- __Wedding Size:__ How many guests are you planning to invite for your big day? This is also the time to figure out who will be at the wedding party. “Ensure that you’re creating the wedding for you and not trying to have a fantasy wedding for family, friends, or social media,” says Farmer.\n\n- __Location:__ Will it be a destination wedding or something local? Finding a place that embodies both of you will be key in finding a __[wedding venue](https://www.zola.com/wedding-vendors/search/wedding-venues)__ you agree on.\n\n## 3. Don’t Spend All Your Time Planning\nBeing engaged is a magical time in your life, so don’t let it get consumed by wedding talk and stress. You’re preparing to marry, so your engagement should be about being in love and gearing up to start a new journey together. Set aside time when no wedding talk is allowed. The only rule is to focus on your relationship and not the wedding. There will be plenty of time to plan with your future spouse, plus you reduce the risk of being stressed and overwhelmed before your wedding day.\n\n## 4. Schedule Date Nights\nWhile you’re busy preparing for the big day, it’s still important to carve out time to date each other and have some fun. Stress and tension can get the best of you, so schedule a date night with your sweetie before it happens.\n\nFarmer says even after you do tie the knot, it’s important to keep the spark lit by continuing to date each other. “Always make time for the partnership, even as the family grows and evolves. There will be new responsibilities and new stressors, but the foundation must remain intact, and that comes with continuing to date one another and learning who you are at each stage in life,” she explains.\n\nStart practicing the commitment to prioritize dating, whether it’s through dinner dates, vacations, or even home dates, says Dr. Curtis D. Jasper, Ph.D., a therapist and couple’s counselor. “Dating helps couples increase and a strong affinity for one another, as well as chemistry for one another,” says Jasper. \n\n## 5. Get Pre-Marital Counseling\nCommunication is key in any relationship, but especially crucial for engaged couples. Farmer says that part of the pre-marital counseling process should be continuing the conversation about big life-changing moments, including where to live, financial expectations, and expanding your family with kids and pets. She says the keys to healthy communication with your future spouse include:\n\n- __Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable:__ Farmer says this means being clear in what it is that you need and want because your partner is not a mind reader. Farmer suggests learning how to exit the conversation without being abusive if it gets heated. “Successful partners know how to leave an argument and allow cooler heads to prevail.”\n- __Use “I” Statements:__ Discussions aren’t about being right, but instead, it’s about doing what’s right for your relationship as a married couple. Consider “we” instead of “I.”\n- __Complete Conversations:__ Always complete what you’re attempting to communicate. “It doesn’t always happen in one conversation, but see it all the way through,” says Farmer. \n- __Celebrate the Good Out Loud:__ Remind each other why you fell for each other. Affirm and uplift each other often. \n\n## 6. Decide To Do or Not Do It for Instagram\n\n![Top Advice for Engaged Couples SR](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/OCllgL2QGABMVnsqMja5Y/816b8794714e39fe773cdc5244b15b46/Inline_unsplash__34_.png)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\nIt’s exciting to share your engagement news with thousands of your social media friends, but be careful of what you do share as a newly engaged couple. “The intimacy of your relationship should remain private. Keep arguments and disagreements away from social media. Also, have a conversation about boundaries and the expectations of others once your relationship has begun and become public,” advises Farmer. \n\n“An obvious rule of thumb is that if one partner has a problem with a post or something else on social media, it's best to remove it or stop it. There are lots more offline challenges waiting to happen with just experiencing and sharing a life with a partner. Don’t allow online disagreements to spill over into the offline relationship. You’re going to need all the energy and resources for offline, real-world challenges,” says Jasper.\n\n### 7. Do Not Ask or Consider Everyone’s Opinions\nOnce you get an engagement ring, everyone from your wedding planner to your family members and future in-laws will want to weigh in with their planning tips. And while that’s ok, you don’t need to stress over pleasing everyone. While you’re bridesmaids and best friends may want to accompany you to select a wedding dress, at the end of the day, it may be too many opinions for you to handle. Only take advice that aligns with what you truly envision for yourself, your partner, and your big day.\n\n## 8. Make Sure to Take Engagement Photos\nDon’t miss out on the opportunity to remember the moment in time by having [engagement photos](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-take-authentic-engagement-photos). While you can get pictures taken during the proposal as the engagement ring is slipped on, don’t stress if that isn’t possible. You have your entire engagement period to work with a photographer to schedule a different time. You can use the images to make a wedding guest book that your loved ones can sign on your big day. Or you can simply display them in your home. Either way, celebrate your engagement season with photos of just the two of you.\n\n## Zola, the Place for Your Wedding Planning Needs\nNavigating from the initial engagement through the actual wedding can be overwhelming, but Zola is here to help make your wedding dreams become a reality. Zola has the answers whether you need a destination wedding venue in New York City or are trying to figure out who to put on your guest list. Our expert advice section is here for you 24/7, so you can start planning immediately. \n\nAlso, don’t forget to [create your registry](https://www.zola.com/wedding-registry) and sign up for a [free wedding website](https://www.zola.com/wedding-planning/website). Zola truly is a one-stop shop that has everything you need to prepare for your special day and beyond. For more tips on how to get started on __[wedding planning](https://zola.app.link/2tbNwzyN71)__, click __[here](https://zola.app.link/7cWRVj2fK7)__.","tag":"Advice","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"You and your partner have been dating for a while—when is it time to take the big step and move in together? Read on to find out.","title":"9 Signs That You Are Ready To Move In Together","slug":"when-should-you-move-in-together","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"Advice","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6z1izCU2tGEqryBcT8bFYr/4b6c68a7c775065543b70388532a288f/Hero_New__19_.jpg","altText":"couple moving in together"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Just engaged and wondering what’s next? A lot goes into wedding planning, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are the must-do to-dos after getting engaged.","title":"Just Engaged? Here’s What To Do Next!","slug":"to-dos-after-you-get-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6KWedC7RqcjzNqK8zy0LoU/286c6acfc830a30a9ac4d274ebf14501/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"Illustration graphic of an engagement ring box with a wedding ring and shine marks to indicate sparkle"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Want to find out where your partner stands on marriage, but not sure how to broach the subject? Read on to find how and when to talk about marriage when dating.","title":"How to Talk About Marriage When Dating","slug":"how-to-talk-about-marriage-when-dating","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"How To","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4XxX5CB6Xz06uYVX1pkihD/8363ec8437cf3a9816750c0a772ef8fb/Hero_TraditionalNuptialsinMiami_InfiniteLoopPhotography_Films.jpg","altText":"Talk About Marriage When Dating"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:32.859Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"how-to-combine-your-things-and-move-in-together","title":"How to Combine Your Things and Move In Together","excerpt":"Moving in with your SO? Here's how to combine your things and move in together—free of fighting, stress, or giving up your favorite stuff.\n","author":"Ruksana Hussain","publishedAt":"2019-07-12T14:49:13.201Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6WgkSw4Pnjathj7alsusn2/e7a324622168f05a0d343a8778eaabee/How-to-Combine-your-Things-and-Move-in-Together.jpg","altText":"men combine things and move in together"},"heroCredit":"Zola","body":"Getting married is signing up to share your life with your partner. While parts of the whole “sharing your life” thing are symbolic, others are real and quite tangible—namely moving in together.\n\nIf you don’t already live together, moving in together is the start of [planning your future as newlyweds](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-plan-a-wedding-on-a-budget). And it’s no small feat. After all, you’re literally coming together to share your lives and your living space—and all the kitchen utensils, throw pillows, and electronics that go with it.\n\nIt doesn’t have to be stressful, though, even if you’re both bursting with home goods. Here’s how to combine your things and move in together as simply as possible. \n\n## Take inventory of your stuff…\nFirst things first, you need to take stock of what you both have. Chances are you both have a lot of the same things. It’s a waste of time to pack and move two sets of anything you don’t need two sets of. Take an inventory of everything in your current living space and have your partner do the same. \n\nThen, get together, compare lists, and look for opportunities to either sell or donate duplicate items you won’t need now that you’re moving in together. Here are a few examples of larger items you both might have:\n- [Kitchen appliances](https://homestore.zola.com/shop/category/kitchen) (microwave, Instant Pot, Crock-Pot, Toaster)\n- [Large Electronics](https://homestore.zola.com/shop/category/electronics-and-gadgets) (television, desktop computer, sound system/speakers)\n- [Lighting](https://homestore.zola.com/shop/category/lighting)\n- [Large Furniture](https://homestore.zola.com/shop/category/furniture) (couch, recliner, end tables, dining table and chairs)\n- [Decorative Items](https://homestore.zola.com/shop/category/decor) (bar cart, small and large rugs, planters)\n\nYou don’t want to start your new life in your new space bogged down by too much stuff—plus, again, why move all that extra stuff anyway? (Bonus: this is also a great way to figure out [what to add to your registry](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/wedding-registry-checklist) if you're not already married!)\n\nNow, there might be some duplicate items that you want to keep—and that’s totally fine! For example, if you and your SO both have TVs, you might want to keep them both. Use one in your new bedroom and one in the living room or another common space. Just make sure that you’re actually going to use both items.\n\n![Zola Inlineimage 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/2Aqhlpxai2P9p1AvoMNnkx/dbc28564643608b124cb1553e17985a5/Zola_Inlineimage_1080x720.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Zola\n\n## ...and of your space.\nBefore you move in together, you and your SO have to take inventory of your stuff—but you also need to take inventory of your space. There’s a limit to how much stuff can fit into any space. So before you decide who is bringing what, it’s important to evaluate your new home and figure out what there’s actually room for—and what items might need to be left behind.\n\nFor example, you might love your king-sized bed, but if your new bedroom is smaller than your current digs, bring your partner’s queen. Then, sell or donate your mattress and bed frame. Once you know how much room you’re working with, choose the items that make the most sense within the space.\n\n### How to Decide Between Duplicates\nOne of the challenges of combining stuff is deciding whose stuff stays and whose goes. Some items will prove easy to decide between, but others not so much. When the answer’s not clear, consider the following:\n\n- __Size:__ Which item is going to fit best in your space and with your other furniture? Bigger isn’t always better.\n- __Condition:__ Is one item newer than the other? Is one more dinged up than the other? A newer appliance may last longer than a well-loved one. \n- __Quality:__ Is one of the items a higher-quality brand or known to last longer than the other brand? Take the nicer knives.\n\n![Zola InlineImage 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/7iAEqrHK58sKTFUEEfXoSH/3afed75740d7e58b5728e482b9aa4def/Zola_InlineImage_1080x720_.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Zola\n\n## Make space for each other.\nA new home is an opportunity for both of you to make it your own. However, if one of you is moving into the other’s space, it can be a bit more challenging for you both to claim ownership. So, make space for each other.\n\nIf your SO is moving into your place, make sure you put in the extra effort to make them feel at home—and let them know that it’s no longer “your” place, but “our” place. Clear out space in the closet. Swap out some of your furniture so your SO has room to bring some of their own pieces. Rearrange your layout together so you both have a sense of ownership of the space. If you’re the one making the move into your partner’s home, ask for those same things. \n\nThe most important thing is to make sure you both feel at home—regardless of who’s home it was first.\n\n## Prepare to compromise.\nNo matter how in sync you and your partner are, there’s going to be at least an item or two in each of your respective homes that the other isn’t thrilled about. Enter: compromise.\n\nEveryone has things they love or attach sentimental value to. So, you and your partner both need to be willing to compromise on at least a few of those things for each other. For example, you might not love comic books, but if your partner has been collecting comics since they were a kid, it’s important to make space in your new home for them to display their collection (it doesn’t have to be the living room).\n\nCompromise is part of any happy, healthy marriage—and if you can compromise with your partner on the items that are meaningful to them (even if those items mean nothing to you), it will make the process of combining your things and moving in together a lot smoother.\n\n## Take a break.\nNo matter how excited you are to be moving in together, it’s a stressful process. So, take regular breaks. If you find yourself growing agitated when your SO takes up too much closet space or your partner seems snappier than usual, press pause and do something else. \n\nHit your favorite spot for dinner, go for a walk, or find another way to take a breather and disconnect. The point is, moving is inherently taxing. If you don’t want the stress to feel overwhelming, it’s important to step away every once in a while and spend some time with your partner (away from all the boxes that still need to be packed/unpacked).\n\n## Happy moving!\nCombining your things and moving in together can be tricky. Employ these tips and try your best to stay calm and composed. You’ll be happily moved, the perfect amount of stuff in tow, before you know it.\n","tag":"How-To ","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:32.061Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"how-to-handle-a-long-engagement","title":"How to Handle a Long Engagement","excerpt":"Find out our top tips and advice on how to handle a long engagement with this comprehensive guide. Read on to learn more today.","author":"Lisa Wong Macabasco","publishedAt":"2021-02-11T23:26:27.990Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4KpP0bSsj3mXpHF2TIz92Q/c993320a603e9698d9d7bf7a9d8e578a/Hero_Zola__49_.jpg","altText":"How to Handle a Long Engagement"},"heroCredit":"Zola","tldr":"## The First Look ✨\n\n- Take advantage of the additional time, and tune out the social media noise in order to bring your true self to your wedding planning.\n- Figure out your wedding planning pace, whether it’s frontloading all your tasks early or parceling them out over several phases.\n- Forget the normal order of things, and be open to doing important things first before your big wedding.","body":"The global pandemic has changed virtually everything when it comes to [planning weddings](https://www.zola.com/wedding-planning), including the engagement period. [Wedding planners](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/wedding-planner) are now reporting seeing longer engagements than the average 12 to 18 months. How can couples best handle being engaged for a protracted amount of time? Now, a longer engagement isn't necessarily a bad thing, it may be exactly what you need to plan your dream wedding and sort out all of your wedding details. Here’s advice from top wedding planners on how to deal with, and strategize effectively for a longer engagement.\n\n### Start Early \n\n![Zola_How to Handle a Long Engagement](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/2AbsHl8B63QnlyxRTxlubi/faff50981894449fb895331a3c8faa97/inline_shutterstock.jpg)\n*Photo Credit * // Shutterstock\n\nTake advantage of the additional time as a couple, recommends Oakland, California–based Planner [Lea Stafford](https://leastafford.com/). “Starting the planning process early allows you to pace yourself and reduce the risk of burnout.” And at the top of your list should be the two most important elements; “I can't say this enough: Securing your venue and planner for 2022 should be your first step,” Stafford stresses. “With the number of 2020 weddings moving to 2021, ideal venue spaces and event services are in demand.” Having this extra time will allow you to consider all the different wedding details before your big day.\n\n### Bring Your True Self to Your Wedding Planning \nThat means resist the urge to fall into a Pinterest or Instagram hole when sorting out your wedding plans. “Please do yourself a favor and limit your time on social media,” says Stafford. “This will cloud your judgment and influence your authentic self.” Instead, seek ideas from connecting with yourself and your favorite people and activities offline. “Spending time in places you love and thrive in will not only be refreshing, but it can be inspiring,” she notes. “Take time to sit with those who mean the most to you: Live, laugh, and share memories. Doing this will contribute to the development of your wedding concept and lead you in the direction of the right event partners to reach out to.”\n\n### Figure Out Your Planning Pace \nDetermine whether you want to do as much as you can early or parcel out tasks over time. “We have found that most of our clients prefer an approach of intense spurts,” says Virginia Frischkorn of Colorado’s [Bluebird Productions](https://www.bluebirdproductions.com/). “We look to frontload and plan as much as possible while excitement and motivation are still high. We encourage locking in all of the major vendors, as well as design details, as far out as possible. We then like to let our clients get back to their normal life and take time to relax and enjoy each other and family, without the pressures of wedding planning. This time allows them to feel rejuvenated and creates fun anticipation as their wedding nears.” \n\nBut, a long engagement period can also allow couples to stretch out the planning process with little tasks each month. Jennifer Price, the owner of [Event Shoppe Chicago](https://www.eventshoppechicago.com/), developed a five-part schedule that helps prevent planning fatigue. “We try to sneak a little fun into all five of the parts,” Price notes, which keeps up the excitement. \n\nThe first part starts strong with venue searches. The second maintains the energy with booking vendors including photographers, makeup artists, and floral designers. The third focuses on event design, which brings the room to life and sets the mood and aesthetic. \n\nThe fourth jumps into the details. Price says this tends to be where couples start to feel weary of planning and impatient for the big day. “But the details are super important,” she says, so she injects a bit of fun with an actual mock-up of a guest table, including linens, tableware, florals, and even tastings, with the help of other vendors. This up-close, in-person look at their table is “like a bolt of energy for our couples because they’re like, ‘Yes, this is exactly what we want,’ or they're like, ‘Oh, wait, we thought this was gonna look a lot different in person.’” The final part, the home stretch, six to eight weeks out, involves going through RSVPs and crafting the seating chart, with couples thrilled to find out who will attend. \n\nPrice says there’s logic to her schedule, helping couples prioritize what’s important at that point in the process and focus on that before moving to other steps that may hinge on the earlier steps and which may change dramatically as the date moves closer. In the beginning, Price says, couples find it hard to resist looking ahead: “They’re like, ‘This sucks, I want to go [down] a Pinterest rabbit hole and look at escort cards for hours,’” she laughs. “But, always at the end, they're like, ‘Oh, my gosh, this process was so easy.’” And the schedule has been especially helpful during the touch-and-go time of COVID-19: “It helps us gauge your priorities, so if we have to move your date because of restrictions, I know what’s important to you already.”\n\n### Make Time for Each Other\n\n![Zola_How to Handle a Long Engagement](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1pzl2rLbxaGWY9E3uco5hc/701a4dee8008bd5fd611ea23c9814b0c/inline_shutterstock2.jpg)\n*Photo Credit * // Shutterstock\n\n“I always tell my couples: Take nights off from wedding planning,” says Amy Shack Egan, founder of Brooklyn’s [Modern Rebel](https://www.modernrebelco.com/). “It can be all-consuming, so it's important to have days and nights were talking about wedding plans is off the table. I recommend hosting a ‘circle the wagons’ once a week to get on the same page about to-dos and divvy up tasks. Then, leave the rest of the days/nights for connecting on your relationship, which will be there for after the wedding is over. Find new ways to connect that remind you that you're still dating and not co-workers.” She recommends [Crated with Love](https://cratedwithlove.com/), a date-in-a-box subscription service that provides a unique date night. “It's fun and will nourish your relationship, which is so important, especially on a longer wedding planning journey.”\n\n### Forget the Normal Order \n“Some couples are placing their plans in different orders, buying a house now together and starting a renovation, then wedding after,” says San Francisco Event Planner [Ashley Smith](https://www.ashleysmithevents.com/). “Or even having a baby first, until they know it's safe to have a wedding. It's not traditional, but they also can't put their lives on hold just to have the wedding—because who knows when that will be. It could be two or three years, in reality.” She’s also worked on many small (two-to-six-person) elopements this year. “The elopement is exciting because you get to legally marry in a normal time frame, but still keep the actual wedding for a later date.” \n\n### Consider a Micro Wedding\n“We are loving the idea of micro weddings,” says Smith. “Ten to 20 people and doing a weekend-long experience versus a one-day event. We have a few couples that have bought out entire properties, and we are doing a series of outdoor dinners, safe activities, and ceremonies. This has blossomed into a very rich scenario that honestly feels more in tune with what a wedding should be. It's a little slower, more intimate, and offers lots of opportunities to show up, relax, and be present (verses 200 to 500 guests all crammed into one eight-hour event). It also allows us to play with design more. We are doing two or three nights of small dinners/designs, and the budgets work out to be fairly similar to doing one big one. But it feels a lot more special.”\n\n### Have a Plan B, and Don’t Panic\nLastly, go into this planning process prepared to pivot slightly. “Have a plan A, your perfect wedding day, and a Plan B, a safe, scaled version of Plan A,” says Stafford. “2020 has taught us that we have to be willing to adapt.” \n\n“In this crazy time of COVID-19, it is very easy to get wrapped up in the what-ifs,” says Frischkorn. “Our suggestion is to be realistic but to not panic unnecessarily. As restrictions tend to change very rapidly, we have seen clients get frustrated having to come back and create a new plan every three months. We suggest waiting to see what is happening closer to the wedding date and reevaluate then.” \n\nLong engagements may very well be part of our new normal. Whatever happens with COVID-19, it’s important to be flexible and have a backup plan. You very likely may not get exactly the wedding that you’ve always dreamt of, but if you’re patient, you may be able to get something just as satisfying. \n","tag":"How To","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:31.274Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"introduce-families-after-engagement","title":"How To Introduce Your Families Post-Engagement","excerpt":"Not every couple's families have the opportunity to meet before the engagement. Here's how to gracefully introduce your families post-engagement.","author":"Deanna deBara","publishedAt":"2019-09-13T14:37:46.353Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/A54vpDACwsNVuKhv8nejf/778b4b0d4d17b09384b2f113a7177968/Hero_New_Unsplash.jpg","altText":"engaged couple's families meet for the first time"},"heroCredit":"Unsplash","body":"When it comes to families, every couple is different. By the time some couples get engaged, their respective families have already met and spent plenty of time together. On the flip side, the post-engagement period might be the first time both families have the opportunity to meet and get to know each other.\n\nIf you’re recently engaged and have yet to introduce your family to your partner’s family, the thought of bringing everyone together can be stressful. As with so many wedding planning things, though, it doesn’t have to be. Here’s some advice on how to introduce your families after the engagement and how to help it all go smoothly.\n\n## Make the introductions as soon as possible.\nWhen you get engaged, take as much time as you want (and need!) to bask in your post-engagement bliss. Once you’re ready to get started on wedding planning, though, one of the first tasks to tackle should include introducing your families.\n\nIn an ideal world, the sooner you can introduce your family and your partner’s family, the better. This gives everyone more time to get to know each other before the wedding. Plus, the sooner you make the introductions, the easier it is to include everyone—regardless of which family they come from—in the wedding planning process.\n\n![INLINE Unsplash 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4XF7sL7nm3rci47VtXZ5D/82fc09cd98e0cf86b1345c766eda88dc/INLINE__Unsplash_1080x720.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\n## Keep the introductions casual.\nGetting engaged and planning a wedding is already an emotionally charged time. It’s true for you, it’s true for your partner, and it’s true for both of your families. So, you don’t want to add any unnecessary pressure to introducing your families by attaching the introduction to a pinnacle event. If possible, keep the meeting as light, casual, and laid-back as possible.\n\nFor example, instead of introducing your mother and soon-to-be mother-in-law on the day you go [wedding dress shopping](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/who-should-i-invite-wedding-dress-shopping), schedule a low-key brunch a few weeks before the event so they can get acquainted in a more casual setting. Instead of inviting both families to help you [choose a wedding location](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-choose-a-wedding-venue), invite them to your house for a casual BBQ so they can get to know each other before you jump right into the wedding planning world.\n\nKeep it low-pressure and laid back. This will make the process much less stressful for you and your spouse.\n\n## If an in-person introduction isn’t possible, schedule a digital intro.\nDistance might prevent you from bringing you and your partner’s families together before the wedding—but that doesn’t mean you should skip the introduction!\n\nIf an in-person intro isn’t possible, schedule a digital get-together with you, your spouse, and your respective families. Video conferencing tools like Google Hangouts, Zoom, or even Facetime make it easy for you and any of your far-flung family members to get together in the same digital space and meet face-to-face—at least through a screen—before the big day.\n\n## Give both families jobs that bring them together.\nIf you really want your family and your partner’s family to bond before the wedding, give them a common, wedding-related goal to work toward.\n\nFor example, put your sibling and your partner’s sibling in charge of the decorations for the [engagement party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-plan-an-engagement-party). They can even discuss [engagement party ideas](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/engagement-party-ideas) digitally over email and Facetime if distance is a factor. If proximity isn’t an issue, ask your father and your soon-to-be father-in-law to scout locations for your post-wedding brunch. \n\nThe point is, bringing both families to work on wedding projects is a win-win situation. Your families get to spend time together and get to know each other—and you get to check things off of your wedding planning checklist. \n\n![INLINE Unsplash 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/LzsGUE5gBEtbKvzB0ljct/c0cd08f29827171bf4d1b937ce6ae892/INLINE_Unsplash_1080x720.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\n## Carve out time right before the wedding.\nHopefully, by the time your wedding rolls around, your family and your partner’s family have had the opportunity to get to know each other better—even just a little. Regardless, we recommend finding time in the days leading up to the wedding to bring them together again (or for the first time). This should be a time that’s separate from your [wedding weekend](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/plan-wedding-weekend) events. It doesn’t have to be formal. Get together for dinner or even spend a night together by the hotel bar catching up. Coming together as a family unit ahead of the ceremony is a perfect send-off.\n\nRemember, your wedding is a huge deal for both you and your partner’s families—and they both want to be involved and spend as much time with you as possible. Everyone’s families are different. Whether they meet in person or digitally, there’s a solution to introduce your families after the engagement in a stress-free way.\n","tag":"How To","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"Discover the 60 best bachelorette party themes of 2024 with ideas for activities, drinks, and food. Find the perfect party for every bride!","title":"60 Best Bachelorette Party Themes of 2024","slug":"bachelorette-party-themes","topic":"Parties & events","tag":"Bride's Crew","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/33vA9FilPkEXnDkMjTkg5F/e698249214e8c6ce0673ab8fbee59392/pexels-yuliia-auer-5303406.jpg","altText":"Bachelorette Party Themes & Party Names"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Need inspiration for your wedding hashtag? Here's a complete guide to designing a wedding hashtag perfect for your big day.","title":"9 Easy Ways to Create Your Wedding Hashtag","slug":"9-easy-ways-to-create-your-wedding-hashtag","topic":"Wedding planning 101","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/23UVWEQPhMa4e3bqlKEXQj/30624e2537f56014b66d9109d45a464f/Hero_New__1_.jpg","altText":"couple with wedding hashtag"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"You're engaged! Now it's time to tell people. Here are the best ways to make an engagement announcement that works for you. ","title":"How to Announce Your Engagement","slug":"how-to-announce-your-engagement","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3hk4Xt2gcurIwwAACqfcxh/52d16b9f41ed4c4e63d6f316dcb0379d/How-to-Announce-your-Engagement.jpg","altText":"Couple makes engagement announcement"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"It’s not uncommon for a wedding photographer to include an engagement photo session in their packages. Here's how to make the most of those photos.\n","title":"12 Ways to Get The Most Out of Your Engagement Photos","slug":"how-to-get-most-out-of-your-engagement-photos","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Getting Engaged","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4DEuaFrXVcKgYHHKzYTPMa/ce4ad8cb1fd645069d15c4af106f045b/ErinJacksonPhotog.jpg","altText":"table with decoration pieces and Engagement Photo frame"},"type":"articlePage"}],"featured":[{"excerpt":"Follow these step-by-step instructions for how to plan an engagement party to achieve guaranteed hosting success. ","title":"The Ultimate Guide to Plan an Engagement Party","slug":"how-to-plan-an-engagement-party","topic":"Parties & events","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6gsqs04WfHnnZR5YSUGvch/ac4778019adadb17d985dc84e1ef3aff/Brand_Book_Yeti_03.jpg","altText":"Yeti cooler filled with bottles of sparkling rose wine and glasses filled with wine in the background"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"If you don't like your engagement ring, don't panic. Here are nine tips for how to deal without hurting your partner's feelings.\n","title":"So, You Don't Like Your Engagement Ring—Here's What to Do","slug":"dont-like-engagement-ring","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/MS3dyElvqDAW4HZGjlULM/4cd4f592a1faaf3f23b1a68d2f74a294/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"woman hugs partner after engagement "},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Find the wedding dress of your dreams with our round-up of the 8 best tips for wedding dress shopping—from who to bring to how to budget.","title":"13 Tips for Choosing Your Dream Wedding Dress","slug":"tips-wedding-dress-shopping","topic":"Fashion & beauty","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/7w7Us4gIAHlYiyGjGaDPIS/ecb32dd773cf661b54727b71f4ad2ec2/Pinehurst_Photography_HeroImage_1080x720.jpg","altText":"bride wedding dress shopping"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Social media has turned weddings from guest-only experiences to larger broadcasts for loved ones (or wedding-loving strangers). Here's how to incorporate various social channels into your wedding—in a tactful way.","title":"9 Savvy Ways to Use Social Media at Your Wedding","slug":"9-savvy-ways-to-use-social-media-at-your-wedding","topic":"Wedding planning 101","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6YRX2YvzFDDeaWpHeKQpCp/50c02c930685ce9d76a308197e574702/AliceMaliaPhotography_HeroImage_1080x720.jpg","altText":"social media wedding hashtag sign"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:29.747Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"parents-and-fiance-dont-get-along","title":"5 Reasons Your Parents and Fiancé Don't Get Along—and How to Deal","excerpt":"There are many common reasons your parents many not like your fiancé. Licensed therapists share what to do and how to talk about it when your parents and partner don't get along.","author":"Monica Mercuri","publishedAt":"2019-12-19T19:59:14.947Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5Tlmlny0gut2tGN3YKWOnA/609bf1855ee4ea250a587cd926039832/SPECIAL_HERO_MonnettePhotography_1080x720_Ashleigh_Drew.jpg","altText":"couple with partner and parents who don't get along"},"heroCredit":"Monnette Photography","body":"Fresh off an engagement, many couples grab their phones to [call their families](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-announce-your-engagement), namely their parents or any parent-like figures. However, for some couples, that call can cause some tension. If your parents don’t like or get along with your fiancé, an engagement can cause as much stress as it may excitement. \n\nIf there’s turmoil between your parents and your partner, you may be feeling a little lost. To help you out, we talked to licensed relationship therapists for their advice on how to approach—and hopefully, amend—these relationships. Here, we’re breaking it down by common reasons for disagreements between parents and partners.\n\n## Your partner is a different race or religion.\nObviously, disagreements involving race, religion, or other lifestyle differences vary greatly from family to family. However, according to [Aimee Hartstein](http://www.aimeehartstein.com/), LCSW, a relationship therapist, these conflicts can come from the same place. Therefore, they can be approached similarly. \n\n“Your parents may have expected you to marry someone who is of the same background as they are and may be sad, confused, enraged, or disappointed that you’ve made a very different life decision,” she says. This can extend to worries about how you may raise your future children (their grandchildren). It’s a touchy and sensitive topic for everyone involved. However, that doesn’t mean there’s room to compromise. \n\n__How to Deal:__ If your parent or parents are disapproving, have a direct conversation with them, excluding your fiancé. Confront them about their judgments and fears while standing your ground. If they’re less strict and more so hopeful in their wants you for, there may be room for them to alter or update their perspective and form a good relationship with your to-be spouse. \n\nIf your parents still don’t approve, Hartstein recommends putting space between them and yourself. “Let them know that you need them to accept you, your partner, and your life choices,” she affirms.\n\n![INLINE GiannasPhotography 1080x720 Hanna&Nicole](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4jL0GZAxY74ajBmhDHFiv3/5effde16e3baa9017ea093d999f0869f/INLINE_GiannasPhotography_1080x720_Hanna_Nicole.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Gianna's Photography\n\n## Your parents and partner never got along.\nWhether the tension stems from a specific incident or is simply a result of clashing personalities, it’s possible your partner and parents just never clicked. If it’s a long-standing fued of sorts, you may already be prepared for some backlash. You may feel like there’s nothing you can do about it. However, it’s not necessarily too late. \n\n__How to Deal:__ There are a few ways to approach the situation, depending on what caused the rift.\n- *__If your fiancé is in the wrong:__* “If something or several things happen where say your fiancé rubbed someone the wrong way, I would recommend having your fiancé directly communicate with the parent,” says Licenced Marriage and Family Therapist, [Dr. Alisa Ruby Bash](http://m.alisarubybash.com/). “Having them step forward and say, I love your child and I want to work through this and I’m sorry if I offended you can be really effective.” \n- *__If your parents are in the wrong:__* Ask them to put in the effort to make amends and get past a certain occurrence that can promote healing. “If it’s more personality-based, it’s a little more challenging,” Dr. Bash admits. “The important thing is that, while someone may not fully like the other person, they’re going to have to learn to live with them.”\n\nIn this case, speaking to your parents or fiancé and letting them know that their effort to try to get along means a lot to you—it can be a great motivator. “You can make those attempts and sometimes things can be resolved. People can get past things and healing can definitely take place,” Dr. Bash says.\n\nHowever, if there’s a lot of arguing or the disagreement spans a long time, therapy (individual, [couple’s](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-talk-about-marriage-when-dating), or family) can be an extremely useful tool.\n\n## Your fiancé has been disrespectful.\nFor whatever reason, your fiancé may be the source of tension between them and your parents. This is, frankly, unacceptable, especially if the disrespect stems from nothing other than your partner being difficult. “Unless your parents are incredibly rude or alienating to your partner, there’s no reason for [him or her] to be disrespectful,” Hartstein says. \n\nIn fact, if the person you love isn’t willing to be respectful towards your family, it could be a bad sign for the relationship. “It’s concerning if you have a partner who you can’t trust to get along with your friends, family, and the general population at large,” Hartstein says. “I recommend trying to nip this in the bud with direct discussion as soon as possible.”\n\n__How to Deal:__ The sooner you confront your partner about their behavior, the better. If you avoid confrontation and just hope for eventual improvement, it’s likely that you’ll harbor major resentment towards them in the future.\n\n## My parents still like my ex.\nWhile it may feel like a betrayal, it’s understandable if your parents still have fond feelings [for your ex](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/invite-ex-to-wedding). If they feel this way, chances are they spent considerable time with them and formed a positive relationship. Nothing about this is abnormal or malicious. It shouldn’t, however, in any way influence their relationship or opinion of your fiancé. \n\n“It’s fine that your parents like and perhaps miss your ex, but it’s your life and your decision. You have good reasons that you’re no longer with them and have committed to a new partner,” Hartstein says.\n\n__How to Deal:__ In this case, you’ll want to speak with your parents without your partner, in order to avoid any awkwardness or putting anyone on the spot. Be considerate of your parents’ feelings while also taking Hartstein’s advice and being direct. Let them know it’d mean a lot to you if they attempted to form new bonds with your new partner.\n\n![INLINE NightingalePhotography 1080x720 Zoe&Earl](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/59Hm5stxwjmdk7f9Kjfy3T/302e92c031c7f142654eb4361be7b23b/INLINE_NightingalePhotography_1080x720_Zoe_Earl.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Nightingale Photography\n\n## My partner and parents aren’t close enough. \nWhether the relationship is new or your parents simply haven’t had a lot of time to bond with your partner, this problem isn’t super uncommon. Simply put, your parents may feel as though they don’t have a good idea of who your fiancé is—and how he or she may treat you. Perhaps they haven’t been able to form any sort of relationship with them, due to shyness on either side, a lack of effort, or even your geographical location.\n\n__How to Deal:__ Naturally, the best thing to do is make an effort to have your parents and fiancé spend some time together. If you’re able to, make plans for all of you to do something as a group. Go [wedding venue scouting](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-choose-a-wedding-venue) then go out to lunch. Invite them over for dinner or offer to cook at their place. Chances are they simply want to feel important and involved.\n\nIf your fiancé is shy, ask them what they’d be comfortable doing before setting any plans. Also, avoid inviting other family members or friends since that can be distracting and defeat the purpose.\n\nIf you live far from your parents, take Dr. Bash’s advice: “In a situation where you’re maybe living in another country and it’s hard to plan a trip or meet in person—maybe someone is deployed and can’t come back—at least try to do a FaceTime call or something similar.”\n\nJust making your parents feel that they’re important, that you want their approval, and that you’re making that effort will a long way, she adds.\n\n## What To Do When There’s No Resolution\nIt’s a sad result to consider, but it’s possible that your partner and parents won’t end up making amends. Certain opinions and incidents may run too deep. It’s crucial, in this case, to recognize that this is an emotionally charged situation and allow yourself to feel sad about it.\n\n“Sometimes we have these ideas of harmonious relationships and how we want things to go and that doesn’t happen,” Dr. Bash says. “[You] have to mourn not being able to have the type of bigger family relationship we might’ve wanted, while still going ahead and marrying your partner.” \n\nAfter any type of fallout, don’t be afraid to lean on a loved one (your partner, especially) and speak to a professional. Voicing your thoughts and feelings can be instrumental in allowing you to heal and feel better.\n","tag":"Inspiration","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"Just engaged and wondering what’s next? A lot goes into wedding planning, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are the must-do to-dos after getting engaged.","title":"Just Engaged? Here’s What To Do Next!","slug":"to-dos-after-you-get-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6KWedC7RqcjzNqK8zy0LoU/286c6acfc830a30a9ac4d274ebf14501/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"Illustration graphic of an engagement ring box with a wedding ring and shine marks to indicate sparkle"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"You're engaged! Now it's time to tell people. Here are the best ways to make an engagement announcement that works for you. ","title":"How to Announce Your Engagement","slug":"how-to-announce-your-engagement","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3hk4Xt2gcurIwwAACqfcxh/52d16b9f41ed4c4e63d6f316dcb0379d/How-to-Announce-your-Engagement.jpg","altText":"Couple makes engagement announcement"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Getting engaged at the same time as your best friend can be exciting—and tricky. Here's how to manage expectations and be there for your friend as you plan your own wedding.","title":"How to Be Engaged at the Same Time As Your Best Friend","slug":"engaged-same-time-as-best-friend","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6Rc2R8CnYBAvDUljxL9qk2/431a71cd2fa527552615df47b88f9de0/HERO_PexelsAsyaCusima_1080x720.jpg","altText":"friends engaged at the same time"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Not every couple's families have the opportunity to meet before the engagement. Here's how to gracefully introduce your families post-engagement.","title":"How To Introduce Your Families Post-Engagement","slug":"introduce-families-after-engagement","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"How To","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/A54vpDACwsNVuKhv8nejf/778b4b0d4d17b09384b2f113a7177968/Hero_New_Unsplash.jpg","altText":"engaged couple's families meet for the first time"},"type":"articlePage"}],"featured":[{"excerpt":"Getting engaged marks an exciting change in a couple’s life, but it can also alter friendships. Here, an expert shares how to deal when friends treat you differently after you get engaged.","title":"My Friends Treat Me Differently Now That I'm Engaged","slug":"friends-treat-differently-now-im-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Advice","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4PtdSvTII7B9l0XrlWcJ6T/86cd148235fab4de4fe699d54142a31b/My-Friends-Treat-Me-Differently-Now-That-I-m-Engaged.jpg","altText":"friends talking after wedding engagement"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Follow these step-by-step instructions for how to plan an engagement party to achieve guaranteed hosting success. ","title":"The Ultimate Guide to Plan an Engagement Party","slug":"how-to-plan-an-engagement-party","topic":"Parties & events","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6gsqs04WfHnnZR5YSUGvch/ac4778019adadb17d985dc84e1ef3aff/Brand_Book_Yeti_03.jpg","altText":"Yeti cooler filled with bottles of sparkling rose wine and glasses filled with wine in the background"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Just engaged and wondering what’s next? A lot goes into wedding planning, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are the must-do to-dos after getting engaged.","title":"Just Engaged? Here’s What To Do Next!","slug":"to-dos-after-you-get-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6KWedC7RqcjzNqK8zy0LoU/286c6acfc830a30a9ac4d274ebf14501/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"Illustration graphic of an engagement ring box with a wedding ring and shine marks to indicate sparkle"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Want to find out where your partner stands on marriage, but not sure how to broach the subject? Read on to find how and when to talk about marriage when dating.","title":"How to Talk About Marriage When Dating","slug":"how-to-talk-about-marriage-when-dating","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"How To","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4XxX5CB6Xz06uYVX1pkihD/8363ec8437cf3a9816750c0a772ef8fb/Hero_TraditionalNuptialsinMiami_InfiniteLoopPhotography_Films.jpg","altText":"Talk About Marriage When Dating"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:28.460Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"what-is-engagement-anxiety","title":"What is Engagement Anxiety?","excerpt":"Do you feel like you’re developing engagement anxiety? Learn about the signs and how to treat it with this complete guide.","author":"Shameika Rhymes","publishedAt":"2020-12-22T21:46:13.774Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/7KnaGVPKUDDvmgc6ASCFAE/d6ac53204c3dcd6b63dcfa4ae5b33b9d/Hero_OutdoorSpringElopementatRobbinsPreserve_AndreaHarbonePhotography__1_.jpg","altText":"What is Engagement Anxiety"},"heroCredit":"Andrea Harbone Photography","body":"Congratulations, you’re engaged! Feelings of shock and excitement are expected, but one emotion that takes many soon-to-be brides and grooms by surprise is anxiety. Tying the knot is a big step, and let’s face it, preparing for a life change of this magnitude can be overwhelming. The good news: [Zola](https://www.zola.com/) is here to help you along the way.\n\nThe important thing to know is that feeling engagement anxiety is normal—and it’s temporary. “If you don’t have second thoughts about becoming someone’s partner, you’re not human, but they are just second thoughts,” says Dr. Ish Major, dating and relationship expert, and star of WEtv’s “Marriage Boot Camp” series.\n\n## What Is Engagement Anxiety?\n\n“Engagement anxiety is commonly referred to as cold feet, and it’s a common response to the enormous change your life is about to undergo,” explains Sharea Farmer, LCSW, owner of RS Counseling and Wellness. She says couples aren’t just dealing with their emotions, but also the expectations of their family, friends, and societal pressures surrounding a public engagement and marriage. “All of these factors can drive your anxiety through the roof and cause you to question everything, even if you are ready to get married,” she explains. \n\nHow do you know if what you’re feeling is engagement anxiety? “Engagement anxiety feels much more intense than just nervousness or butterflies,” says [Dr. Curtis D. Jasper, Ph.D.](https://www.drcurtisdjasper.com/), therapist, couple’s counselor, and relationship expert. He adds that it’s a common occurrence among newly engaged couples. “Even for those individuals and couples who feel like the engagement is the right step and that the choice of partner is the correct choice, there still will remain a bit of anxiousness that can lead to extreme anxiety—usually about the unknown, the newness, and the grieving of anticipating giving up the current or single lifestyle,” he adds. \n\nThe good news is there are ways to reduce your anxiety levels over time so you can focus on walking down the aisle. Here, some tips from relationship experts on how to handle your pre-engagement anxiety.\n\n#### 1. Be Realistic\n\nIt’s understandable to feel a range of emotions about the big commitment you’re about to make. Experts say it’s crucial to remember that life has its ups and downs—and the same goes for your wedding day. “Have realistic expectations about the wedding, the marriage, and the life you wish to build. Our experiences and expectations around marriage have been shaped by years of conditioning through fairy tales, television, and movies, so we often overlook that this is real and will take real skills to succeed,” says Farmer. Dig deeper to find what could be triggering your anxiety. “Engagements and marriage aren’t about what you’ll be giving up; they’re all about what you’re gaining,” says Dr. Major.\n\n#### 2. Challenge Your Anxiety\n\nEngagement anxiety is common, but it’s still important to acknowledge how you’re feeling. Write down your fears and evaluate how realistic they are, says Farmer. This can help you replace fear-based thoughts with more realistic ones. Dr. Jasper also suggests seeking out a professional to help squash those anxiety-riddled fears. \n\n#### 3. Talk It Out\n\n![What is Engagement Anxiety?](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6qZf3pcI007hLQWAhauzml/67fb318c8f77ac417b68ef12b9f71dff/Inline_unsplash__31_.png)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\nCouples tend to keep those second thoughts from their other half, as they don’t want to have their feelings taken out of context. But part of a healthy and happy relationship is being able, to be honest with your partner, especially if you are experiencing higher anxiety levels. Keep the lines of communication open with your fiancé. Communicating your feelings and sharing your emotions may help you deal with them as a couple rather than having to handle it alone.\n\n__Expert Tip: Use “I” statements and avoid blaming language, global statements, and talking with increased emotions. Start slowly to avoid arguments.__\n\n#### 4. Take Care of Yourself\nSelf-care is important when you’re dealing with an overwhelming amount of stress and anxiety. Farmer suggests practicing self-care, including meditating or breathing techniques, to help calm those nerves down. “Do the things that you love with the person you love. Whether it’s your partner or spending some time alone, do what is necessary to ground yourself,” says Farmer. \n\n#### 5. Find a Premarital Counselor\n\n![What is Engagement Anxiety?](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/63nK6wnqEdcsAmhHZbAbjq/41875a2d9f384cd6d75de74984b31e8d/Inline_unsplash__29_.png)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\nTalking to family and friends may not be such a good thing. “Many will be quick to tell you their worst experiences and these can easily shape your thoughts,” says Farmer. Seeing a professional for premarital counseling with your partner can also ease your engagement anxiety. “Find an unbiased, experienced professional to ensure you and your partner are on the same page and speaking on the issues out loud under the leadership of someone with training. You may be surprised to learn that your partner is feeling some of the same anxiety you're feeling,” she says. \nIf you’re experiencing pre-engagement anxiety, know that it’s normal and will subside. To help you enjoy the process of your engagement and wedding planning, [Zola](https://www.zola.com/) is here for you. For more tips on how to get started on [wedding planning](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-plan-a-wedding), click [here](https://www.zola.com/).\n","tag":"Advice","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"Getting ready to walk down the aisle? Review this top advice for engaged couples before saying your “I dos!” Read on now.","title":"8 Top Advice for Engaged Couples Before Tying the Knot","slug":"top-advice-for-engaged-couples","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"Advice","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5E0cadqtqJvlQoTAphPWQj/4baf2c26099e5d919932c4d204e95830/Hero_Modern_RomanticNavyStyledShoot_KristinaKarinaPhotography.jpg","altText":"Top Advice for Engaged Couples"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Just engaged and wondering what’s next? A lot goes into wedding planning, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are the must-do to-dos after getting engaged.","title":"Just Engaged? Here’s What To Do Next!","slug":"to-dos-after-you-get-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6KWedC7RqcjzNqK8zy0LoU/286c6acfc830a30a9ac4d274ebf14501/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"Illustration graphic of an engagement ring box with a wedding ring and shine marks to indicate sparkle"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Today’s couples are craving experiences instead of gifts. Our date ideas are fabulous to add to your wedding registry to make memories with your love.","title":"12 Fabulous Date Ideas to Put on Your Registry","slug":"12-fabulous-date-ideas-to-put-on-your-registry","topic":"Registry & gifts","tag":"List","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5XFbyLUjyLaqT7gm3RrHDI/8a01b731d6339621e591c9e2915835bd/hannah-busing-zhDREn4OqY8-unsplash.jpg","altText":"Date Ideas to Put on Your Registry"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:27.823Z"}],"pagination":{"currentPage":1,"total":8},"subtopic":{"featuredArticles":[{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"what-is-engagement-anxiety","title":"What is Engagement Anxiety?","excerpt":"Do you feel like you’re developing engagement anxiety? Learn about the signs and how to treat it with this complete guide.","author":"Shameika Rhymes","publishedAt":"2020-12-22T21:46:13.774Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/7KnaGVPKUDDvmgc6ASCFAE/d6ac53204c3dcd6b63dcfa4ae5b33b9d/Hero_OutdoorSpringElopementatRobbinsPreserve_AndreaHarbonePhotography__1_.jpg","altText":"What is Engagement Anxiety"},"heroCredit":"Andrea Harbone Photography","body":"Congratulations, you’re engaged! Feelings of shock and excitement are expected, but one emotion that takes many soon-to-be brides and grooms by surprise is anxiety. Tying the knot is a big step, and let’s face it, preparing for a life change of this magnitude can be overwhelming. The good news: [Zola](https://www.zola.com/) is here to help you along the way.\n\nThe important thing to know is that feeling engagement anxiety is normal—and it’s temporary. “If you don’t have second thoughts about becoming someone’s partner, you’re not human, but they are just second thoughts,” says Dr. Ish Major, dating and relationship expert, and star of WEtv’s “Marriage Boot Camp” series.\n\n## What Is Engagement Anxiety?\n\n“Engagement anxiety is commonly referred to as cold feet, and it’s a common response to the enormous change your life is about to undergo,” explains Sharea Farmer, LCSW, owner of RS Counseling and Wellness. She says couples aren’t just dealing with their emotions, but also the expectations of their family, friends, and societal pressures surrounding a public engagement and marriage. “All of these factors can drive your anxiety through the roof and cause you to question everything, even if you are ready to get married,” she explains. \n\nHow do you know if what you’re feeling is engagement anxiety? “Engagement anxiety feels much more intense than just nervousness or butterflies,” says [Dr. Curtis D. Jasper, Ph.D.](https://www.drcurtisdjasper.com/), therapist, couple’s counselor, and relationship expert. He adds that it’s a common occurrence among newly engaged couples. “Even for those individuals and couples who feel like the engagement is the right step and that the choice of partner is the correct choice, there still will remain a bit of anxiousness that can lead to extreme anxiety—usually about the unknown, the newness, and the grieving of anticipating giving up the current or single lifestyle,” he adds. \n\nThe good news is there are ways to reduce your anxiety levels over time so you can focus on walking down the aisle. Here, some tips from relationship experts on how to handle your pre-engagement anxiety.\n\n#### 1. Be Realistic\n\nIt’s understandable to feel a range of emotions about the big commitment you’re about to make. Experts say it’s crucial to remember that life has its ups and downs—and the same goes for your wedding day. “Have realistic expectations about the wedding, the marriage, and the life you wish to build. Our experiences and expectations around marriage have been shaped by years of conditioning through fairy tales, television, and movies, so we often overlook that this is real and will take real skills to succeed,” says Farmer. Dig deeper to find what could be triggering your anxiety. “Engagements and marriage aren’t about what you’ll be giving up; they’re all about what you’re gaining,” says Dr. Major.\n\n#### 2. Challenge Your Anxiety\n\nEngagement anxiety is common, but it’s still important to acknowledge how you’re feeling. Write down your fears and evaluate how realistic they are, says Farmer. This can help you replace fear-based thoughts with more realistic ones. Dr. Jasper also suggests seeking out a professional to help squash those anxiety-riddled fears. \n\n#### 3. Talk It Out\n\n![What is Engagement Anxiety?](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6qZf3pcI007hLQWAhauzml/67fb318c8f77ac417b68ef12b9f71dff/Inline_unsplash__31_.png)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\nCouples tend to keep those second thoughts from their other half, as they don’t want to have their feelings taken out of context. But part of a healthy and happy relationship is being able, to be honest with your partner, especially if you are experiencing higher anxiety levels. Keep the lines of communication open with your fiancé. Communicating your feelings and sharing your emotions may help you deal with them as a couple rather than having to handle it alone.\n\n__Expert Tip: Use “I” statements and avoid blaming language, global statements, and talking with increased emotions. Start slowly to avoid arguments.__\n\n#### 4. Take Care of Yourself\nSelf-care is important when you’re dealing with an overwhelming amount of stress and anxiety. Farmer suggests practicing self-care, including meditating or breathing techniques, to help calm those nerves down. “Do the things that you love with the person you love. Whether it’s your partner or spending some time alone, do what is necessary to ground yourself,” says Farmer. \n\n#### 5. Find a Premarital Counselor\n\n![What is Engagement Anxiety?](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/63nK6wnqEdcsAmhHZbAbjq/41875a2d9f384cd6d75de74984b31e8d/Inline_unsplash__29_.png)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\nTalking to family and friends may not be such a good thing. “Many will be quick to tell you their worst experiences and these can easily shape your thoughts,” says Farmer. Seeing a professional for premarital counseling with your partner can also ease your engagement anxiety. “Find an unbiased, experienced professional to ensure you and your partner are on the same page and speaking on the issues out loud under the leadership of someone with training. You may be surprised to learn that your partner is feeling some of the same anxiety you're feeling,” she says. \nIf you’re experiencing pre-engagement anxiety, know that it’s normal and will subside. To help you enjoy the process of your engagement and wedding planning, [Zola](https://www.zola.com/) is here for you. For more tips on how to get started on [wedding planning](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-plan-a-wedding), click [here](https://www.zola.com/).\n","tag":"Advice","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"Getting ready to walk down the aisle? Review this top advice for engaged couples before saying your “I dos!” Read on now.","title":"8 Top Advice for Engaged Couples Before Tying the Knot","slug":"top-advice-for-engaged-couples","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"Advice","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5E0cadqtqJvlQoTAphPWQj/4baf2c26099e5d919932c4d204e95830/Hero_Modern_RomanticNavyStyledShoot_KristinaKarinaPhotography.jpg","altText":"Top Advice for Engaged Couples"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Just engaged and wondering what’s next? A lot goes into wedding planning, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are the must-do to-dos after getting engaged.","title":"Just Engaged? Here’s What To Do Next!","slug":"to-dos-after-you-get-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6KWedC7RqcjzNqK8zy0LoU/286c6acfc830a30a9ac4d274ebf14501/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"Illustration graphic of an engagement ring box with a wedding ring and shine marks to indicate sparkle"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Today’s couples are craving experiences instead of gifts. Our date ideas are fabulous to add to your wedding registry to make memories with your love.","title":"12 Fabulous Date Ideas to Put on Your Registry","slug":"12-fabulous-date-ideas-to-put-on-your-registry","topic":"Registry & gifts","tag":"List","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5XFbyLUjyLaqT7gm3RrHDI/8a01b731d6339621e591c9e2915835bd/hannah-busing-zhDREn4OqY8-unsplash.jpg","altText":"Date Ideas to Put on Your Registry"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:27.823Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"parents-and-fiance-dont-get-along","title":"5 Reasons Your Parents and Fiancé Don't Get Along—and How to Deal","excerpt":"There are many common reasons your parents many not like your fiancé. Licensed therapists share what to do and how to talk about it when your parents and partner don't get along.","author":"Monica Mercuri","publishedAt":"2019-12-19T19:59:14.947Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5Tlmlny0gut2tGN3YKWOnA/609bf1855ee4ea250a587cd926039832/SPECIAL_HERO_MonnettePhotography_1080x720_Ashleigh_Drew.jpg","altText":"couple with partner and parents who don't get along"},"heroCredit":"Monnette Photography","body":"Fresh off an engagement, many couples grab their phones to [call their families](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-announce-your-engagement), namely their parents or any parent-like figures. However, for some couples, that call can cause some tension. If your parents don’t like or get along with your fiancé, an engagement can cause as much stress as it may excitement. \n\nIf there’s turmoil between your parents and your partner, you may be feeling a little lost. To help you out, we talked to licensed relationship therapists for their advice on how to approach—and hopefully, amend—these relationships. Here, we’re breaking it down by common reasons for disagreements between parents and partners.\n\n## Your partner is a different race or religion.\nObviously, disagreements involving race, religion, or other lifestyle differences vary greatly from family to family. However, according to [Aimee Hartstein](http://www.aimeehartstein.com/), LCSW, a relationship therapist, these conflicts can come from the same place. Therefore, they can be approached similarly. \n\n“Your parents may have expected you to marry someone who is of the same background as they are and may be sad, confused, enraged, or disappointed that you’ve made a very different life decision,” she says. This can extend to worries about how you may raise your future children (their grandchildren). It’s a touchy and sensitive topic for everyone involved. However, that doesn’t mean there’s room to compromise. \n\n__How to Deal:__ If your parent or parents are disapproving, have a direct conversation with them, excluding your fiancé. Confront them about their judgments and fears while standing your ground. If they’re less strict and more so hopeful in their wants you for, there may be room for them to alter or update their perspective and form a good relationship with your to-be spouse. \n\nIf your parents still don’t approve, Hartstein recommends putting space between them and yourself. “Let them know that you need them to accept you, your partner, and your life choices,” she affirms.\n\n![INLINE GiannasPhotography 1080x720 Hanna&Nicole](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4jL0GZAxY74ajBmhDHFiv3/5effde16e3baa9017ea093d999f0869f/INLINE_GiannasPhotography_1080x720_Hanna_Nicole.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Gianna's Photography\n\n## Your parents and partner never got along.\nWhether the tension stems from a specific incident or is simply a result of clashing personalities, it’s possible your partner and parents just never clicked. If it’s a long-standing fued of sorts, you may already be prepared for some backlash. You may feel like there’s nothing you can do about it. However, it’s not necessarily too late. \n\n__How to Deal:__ There are a few ways to approach the situation, depending on what caused the rift.\n- *__If your fiancé is in the wrong:__* “If something or several things happen where say your fiancé rubbed someone the wrong way, I would recommend having your fiancé directly communicate with the parent,” says Licenced Marriage and Family Therapist, [Dr. Alisa Ruby Bash](http://m.alisarubybash.com/). “Having them step forward and say, I love your child and I want to work through this and I’m sorry if I offended you can be really effective.” \n- *__If your parents are in the wrong:__* Ask them to put in the effort to make amends and get past a certain occurrence that can promote healing. “If it’s more personality-based, it’s a little more challenging,” Dr. Bash admits. “The important thing is that, while someone may not fully like the other person, they’re going to have to learn to live with them.”\n\nIn this case, speaking to your parents or fiancé and letting them know that their effort to try to get along means a lot to you—it can be a great motivator. “You can make those attempts and sometimes things can be resolved. People can get past things and healing can definitely take place,” Dr. Bash says.\n\nHowever, if there’s a lot of arguing or the disagreement spans a long time, therapy (individual, [couple’s](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-talk-about-marriage-when-dating), or family) can be an extremely useful tool.\n\n## Your fiancé has been disrespectful.\nFor whatever reason, your fiancé may be the source of tension between them and your parents. This is, frankly, unacceptable, especially if the disrespect stems from nothing other than your partner being difficult. “Unless your parents are incredibly rude or alienating to your partner, there’s no reason for [him or her] to be disrespectful,” Hartstein says. \n\nIn fact, if the person you love isn’t willing to be respectful towards your family, it could be a bad sign for the relationship. “It’s concerning if you have a partner who you can’t trust to get along with your friends, family, and the general population at large,” Hartstein says. “I recommend trying to nip this in the bud with direct discussion as soon as possible.”\n\n__How to Deal:__ The sooner you confront your partner about their behavior, the better. If you avoid confrontation and just hope for eventual improvement, it’s likely that you’ll harbor major resentment towards them in the future.\n\n## My parents still like my ex.\nWhile it may feel like a betrayal, it’s understandable if your parents still have fond feelings [for your ex](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/invite-ex-to-wedding). If they feel this way, chances are they spent considerable time with them and formed a positive relationship. Nothing about this is abnormal or malicious. It shouldn’t, however, in any way influence their relationship or opinion of your fiancé. \n\n“It’s fine that your parents like and perhaps miss your ex, but it’s your life and your decision. You have good reasons that you’re no longer with them and have committed to a new partner,” Hartstein says.\n\n__How to Deal:__ In this case, you’ll want to speak with your parents without your partner, in order to avoid any awkwardness or putting anyone on the spot. Be considerate of your parents’ feelings while also taking Hartstein’s advice and being direct. Let them know it’d mean a lot to you if they attempted to form new bonds with your new partner.\n\n![INLINE NightingalePhotography 1080x720 Zoe&Earl](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/59Hm5stxwjmdk7f9Kjfy3T/302e92c031c7f142654eb4361be7b23b/INLINE_NightingalePhotography_1080x720_Zoe_Earl.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Nightingale Photography\n\n## My partner and parents aren’t close enough. \nWhether the relationship is new or your parents simply haven’t had a lot of time to bond with your partner, this problem isn’t super uncommon. Simply put, your parents may feel as though they don’t have a good idea of who your fiancé is—and how he or she may treat you. Perhaps they haven’t been able to form any sort of relationship with them, due to shyness on either side, a lack of effort, or even your geographical location.\n\n__How to Deal:__ Naturally, the best thing to do is make an effort to have your parents and fiancé spend some time together. If you’re able to, make plans for all of you to do something as a group. Go [wedding venue scouting](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-choose-a-wedding-venue) then go out to lunch. Invite them over for dinner or offer to cook at their place. Chances are they simply want to feel important and involved.\n\nIf your fiancé is shy, ask them what they’d be comfortable doing before setting any plans. Also, avoid inviting other family members or friends since that can be distracting and defeat the purpose.\n\nIf you live far from your parents, take Dr. Bash’s advice: “In a situation where you’re maybe living in another country and it’s hard to plan a trip or meet in person—maybe someone is deployed and can’t come back—at least try to do a FaceTime call or something similar.”\n\nJust making your parents feel that they’re important, that you want their approval, and that you’re making that effort will a long way, she adds.\n\n## What To Do When There’s No Resolution\nIt’s a sad result to consider, but it’s possible that your partner and parents won’t end up making amends. Certain opinions and incidents may run too deep. It’s crucial, in this case, to recognize that this is an emotionally charged situation and allow yourself to feel sad about it.\n\n“Sometimes we have these ideas of harmonious relationships and how we want things to go and that doesn’t happen,” Dr. Bash says. “[You] have to mourn not being able to have the type of bigger family relationship we might’ve wanted, while still going ahead and marrying your partner.” \n\nAfter any type of fallout, don’t be afraid to lean on a loved one (your partner, especially) and speak to a professional. Voicing your thoughts and feelings can be instrumental in allowing you to heal and feel better.\n","tag":"Inspiration","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"Just engaged and wondering what’s next? A lot goes into wedding planning, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are the must-do to-dos after getting engaged.","title":"Just Engaged? Here’s What To Do Next!","slug":"to-dos-after-you-get-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6KWedC7RqcjzNqK8zy0LoU/286c6acfc830a30a9ac4d274ebf14501/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"Illustration graphic of an engagement ring box with a wedding ring and shine marks to indicate sparkle"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"You're engaged! Now it's time to tell people. Here are the best ways to make an engagement announcement that works for you. ","title":"How to Announce Your Engagement","slug":"how-to-announce-your-engagement","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3hk4Xt2gcurIwwAACqfcxh/52d16b9f41ed4c4e63d6f316dcb0379d/How-to-Announce-your-Engagement.jpg","altText":"Couple makes engagement announcement"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Getting engaged at the same time as your best friend can be exciting—and tricky. Here's how to manage expectations and be there for your friend as you plan your own wedding.","title":"How to Be Engaged at the Same Time As Your Best Friend","slug":"engaged-same-time-as-best-friend","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6Rc2R8CnYBAvDUljxL9qk2/431a71cd2fa527552615df47b88f9de0/HERO_PexelsAsyaCusima_1080x720.jpg","altText":"friends engaged at the same time"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Not every couple's families have the opportunity to meet before the engagement. Here's how to gracefully introduce your families post-engagement.","title":"How To Introduce Your Families Post-Engagement","slug":"introduce-families-after-engagement","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"How To","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/A54vpDACwsNVuKhv8nejf/778b4b0d4d17b09384b2f113a7177968/Hero_New_Unsplash.jpg","altText":"engaged couple's families meet for the first time"},"type":"articlePage"}],"featured":[{"excerpt":"Getting engaged marks an exciting change in a couple’s life, but it can also alter friendships. Here, an expert shares how to deal when friends treat you differently after you get engaged.","title":"My Friends Treat Me Differently Now That I'm Engaged","slug":"friends-treat-differently-now-im-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Advice","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4PtdSvTII7B9l0XrlWcJ6T/86cd148235fab4de4fe699d54142a31b/My-Friends-Treat-Me-Differently-Now-That-I-m-Engaged.jpg","altText":"friends talking after wedding engagement"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Follow these step-by-step instructions for how to plan an engagement party to achieve guaranteed hosting success. ","title":"The Ultimate Guide to Plan an Engagement Party","slug":"how-to-plan-an-engagement-party","topic":"Parties & events","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6gsqs04WfHnnZR5YSUGvch/ac4778019adadb17d985dc84e1ef3aff/Brand_Book_Yeti_03.jpg","altText":"Yeti cooler filled with bottles of sparkling rose wine and glasses filled with wine in the background"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Just engaged and wondering what’s next? A lot goes into wedding planning, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are the must-do to-dos after getting engaged.","title":"Just Engaged? Here’s What To Do Next!","slug":"to-dos-after-you-get-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6KWedC7RqcjzNqK8zy0LoU/286c6acfc830a30a9ac4d274ebf14501/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"Illustration graphic of an engagement ring box with a wedding ring and shine marks to indicate sparkle"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Want to find out where your partner stands on marriage, but not sure how to broach the subject? Read on to find how and when to talk about marriage when dating.","title":"How to Talk About Marriage When Dating","slug":"how-to-talk-about-marriage-when-dating","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"How To","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4XxX5CB6Xz06uYVX1pkihD/8363ec8437cf3a9816750c0a772ef8fb/Hero_TraditionalNuptialsinMiami_InfiniteLoopPhotography_Films.jpg","altText":"Talk About Marriage When Dating"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:28.460Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"introduce-families-after-engagement","title":"How To Introduce Your Families Post-Engagement","excerpt":"Not every couple's families have the opportunity to meet before the engagement. Here's how to gracefully introduce your families post-engagement.","author":"Deanna deBara","publishedAt":"2019-09-13T14:37:46.353Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/A54vpDACwsNVuKhv8nejf/778b4b0d4d17b09384b2f113a7177968/Hero_New_Unsplash.jpg","altText":"engaged couple's families meet for the first time"},"heroCredit":"Unsplash","body":"When it comes to families, every couple is different. By the time some couples get engaged, their respective families have already met and spent plenty of time together. On the flip side, the post-engagement period might be the first time both families have the opportunity to meet and get to know each other.\n\nIf you’re recently engaged and have yet to introduce your family to your partner’s family, the thought of bringing everyone together can be stressful. As with so many wedding planning things, though, it doesn’t have to be. Here’s some advice on how to introduce your families after the engagement and how to help it all go smoothly.\n\n## Make the introductions as soon as possible.\nWhen you get engaged, take as much time as you want (and need!) to bask in your post-engagement bliss. Once you’re ready to get started on wedding planning, though, one of the first tasks to tackle should include introducing your families.\n\nIn an ideal world, the sooner you can introduce your family and your partner’s family, the better. This gives everyone more time to get to know each other before the wedding. Plus, the sooner you make the introductions, the easier it is to include everyone—regardless of which family they come from—in the wedding planning process.\n\n![INLINE Unsplash 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4XF7sL7nm3rci47VtXZ5D/82fc09cd98e0cf86b1345c766eda88dc/INLINE__Unsplash_1080x720.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\n## Keep the introductions casual.\nGetting engaged and planning a wedding is already an emotionally charged time. It’s true for you, it’s true for your partner, and it’s true for both of your families. So, you don’t want to add any unnecessary pressure to introducing your families by attaching the introduction to a pinnacle event. If possible, keep the meeting as light, casual, and laid-back as possible.\n\nFor example, instead of introducing your mother and soon-to-be mother-in-law on the day you go [wedding dress shopping](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/who-should-i-invite-wedding-dress-shopping), schedule a low-key brunch a few weeks before the event so they can get acquainted in a more casual setting. Instead of inviting both families to help you [choose a wedding location](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-choose-a-wedding-venue), invite them to your house for a casual BBQ so they can get to know each other before you jump right into the wedding planning world.\n\nKeep it low-pressure and laid back. This will make the process much less stressful for you and your spouse.\n\n## If an in-person introduction isn’t possible, schedule a digital intro.\nDistance might prevent you from bringing you and your partner’s families together before the wedding—but that doesn’t mean you should skip the introduction!\n\nIf an in-person intro isn’t possible, schedule a digital get-together with you, your spouse, and your respective families. Video conferencing tools like Google Hangouts, Zoom, or even Facetime make it easy for you and any of your far-flung family members to get together in the same digital space and meet face-to-face—at least through a screen—before the big day.\n\n## Give both families jobs that bring them together.\nIf you really want your family and your partner’s family to bond before the wedding, give them a common, wedding-related goal to work toward.\n\nFor example, put your sibling and your partner’s sibling in charge of the decorations for the [engagement party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-plan-an-engagement-party). They can even discuss [engagement party ideas](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/engagement-party-ideas) digitally over email and Facetime if distance is a factor. If proximity isn’t an issue, ask your father and your soon-to-be father-in-law to scout locations for your post-wedding brunch. \n\nThe point is, bringing both families to work on wedding projects is a win-win situation. Your families get to spend time together and get to know each other—and you get to check things off of your wedding planning checklist. \n\n![INLINE Unsplash 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/LzsGUE5gBEtbKvzB0ljct/c0cd08f29827171bf4d1b937ce6ae892/INLINE_Unsplash_1080x720.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\n## Carve out time right before the wedding.\nHopefully, by the time your wedding rolls around, your family and your partner’s family have had the opportunity to get to know each other better—even just a little. Regardless, we recommend finding time in the days leading up to the wedding to bring them together again (or for the first time). This should be a time that’s separate from your [wedding weekend](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/plan-wedding-weekend) events. It doesn’t have to be formal. Get together for dinner or even spend a night together by the hotel bar catching up. Coming together as a family unit ahead of the ceremony is a perfect send-off.\n\nRemember, your wedding is a huge deal for both you and your partner’s families—and they both want to be involved and spend as much time with you as possible. Everyone’s families are different. Whether they meet in person or digitally, there’s a solution to introduce your families after the engagement in a stress-free way.\n","tag":"How To","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"Discover the 60 best bachelorette party themes of 2024 with ideas for activities, drinks, and food. Find the perfect party for every bride!","title":"60 Best Bachelorette Party Themes of 2024","slug":"bachelorette-party-themes","topic":"Parties & events","tag":"Bride's Crew","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/33vA9FilPkEXnDkMjTkg5F/e698249214e8c6ce0673ab8fbee59392/pexels-yuliia-auer-5303406.jpg","altText":"Bachelorette Party Themes & Party Names"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Need inspiration for your wedding hashtag? Here's a complete guide to designing a wedding hashtag perfect for your big day.","title":"9 Easy Ways to Create Your Wedding Hashtag","slug":"9-easy-ways-to-create-your-wedding-hashtag","topic":"Wedding planning 101","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/23UVWEQPhMa4e3bqlKEXQj/30624e2537f56014b66d9109d45a464f/Hero_New__1_.jpg","altText":"couple with wedding hashtag"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"You're engaged! Now it's time to tell people. Here are the best ways to make an engagement announcement that works for you. ","title":"How to Announce Your Engagement","slug":"how-to-announce-your-engagement","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3hk4Xt2gcurIwwAACqfcxh/52d16b9f41ed4c4e63d6f316dcb0379d/How-to-Announce-your-Engagement.jpg","altText":"Couple makes engagement announcement"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"It’s not uncommon for a wedding photographer to include an engagement photo session in their packages. Here's how to make the most of those photos.\n","title":"12 Ways to Get The Most Out of Your Engagement Photos","slug":"how-to-get-most-out-of-your-engagement-photos","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Getting Engaged","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4DEuaFrXVcKgYHHKzYTPMa/ce4ad8cb1fd645069d15c4af106f045b/ErinJacksonPhotog.jpg","altText":"table with decoration pieces and Engagement Photo frame"},"type":"articlePage"}],"featured":[{"excerpt":"Follow these step-by-step instructions for how to plan an engagement party to achieve guaranteed hosting success. ","title":"The Ultimate Guide to Plan an Engagement Party","slug":"how-to-plan-an-engagement-party","topic":"Parties & events","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6gsqs04WfHnnZR5YSUGvch/ac4778019adadb17d985dc84e1ef3aff/Brand_Book_Yeti_03.jpg","altText":"Yeti cooler filled with bottles of sparkling rose wine and glasses filled with wine in the background"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"If you don't like your engagement ring, don't panic. Here are nine tips for how to deal without hurting your partner's feelings.\n","title":"So, You Don't Like Your Engagement Ring—Here's What to Do","slug":"dont-like-engagement-ring","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/MS3dyElvqDAW4HZGjlULM/4cd4f592a1faaf3f23b1a68d2f74a294/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"woman hugs partner after engagement "},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Find the wedding dress of your dreams with our round-up of the 8 best tips for wedding dress shopping—from who to bring to how to budget.","title":"13 Tips for Choosing Your Dream Wedding Dress","slug":"tips-wedding-dress-shopping","topic":"Fashion & beauty","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/7w7Us4gIAHlYiyGjGaDPIS/ecb32dd773cf661b54727b71f4ad2ec2/Pinehurst_Photography_HeroImage_1080x720.jpg","altText":"bride wedding dress shopping"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Social media has turned weddings from guest-only experiences to larger broadcasts for loved ones (or wedding-loving strangers). Here's how to incorporate various social channels into your wedding—in a tactful way.","title":"9 Savvy Ways to Use Social Media at Your Wedding","slug":"9-savvy-ways-to-use-social-media-at-your-wedding","topic":"Wedding planning 101","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6YRX2YvzFDDeaWpHeKQpCp/50c02c930685ce9d76a308197e574702/AliceMaliaPhotography_HeroImage_1080x720.jpg","altText":"social media wedding hashtag sign"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:29.747Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"how-to-combine-your-things-and-move-in-together","title":"How to Combine Your Things and Move In Together","excerpt":"Moving in with your SO? Here's how to combine your things and move in together—free of fighting, stress, or giving up your favorite stuff.\n","author":"Ruksana Hussain","publishedAt":"2019-07-12T14:49:13.201Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6WgkSw4Pnjathj7alsusn2/e7a324622168f05a0d343a8778eaabee/How-to-Combine-your-Things-and-Move-in-Together.jpg","altText":"men combine things and move in together"},"heroCredit":"Zola","body":"Getting married is signing up to share your life with your partner. While parts of the whole “sharing your life” thing are symbolic, others are real and quite tangible—namely moving in together.\n\nIf you don’t already live together, moving in together is the start of [planning your future as newlyweds](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-plan-a-wedding-on-a-budget). And it’s no small feat. After all, you’re literally coming together to share your lives and your living space—and all the kitchen utensils, throw pillows, and electronics that go with it.\n\nIt doesn’t have to be stressful, though, even if you’re both bursting with home goods. Here’s how to combine your things and move in together as simply as possible. \n\n## Take inventory of your stuff…\nFirst things first, you need to take stock of what you both have. Chances are you both have a lot of the same things. It’s a waste of time to pack and move two sets of anything you don’t need two sets of. Take an inventory of everything in your current living space and have your partner do the same. \n\nThen, get together, compare lists, and look for opportunities to either sell or donate duplicate items you won’t need now that you’re moving in together. Here are a few examples of larger items you both might have:\n- [Kitchen appliances](https://homestore.zola.com/shop/category/kitchen) (microwave, Instant Pot, Crock-Pot, Toaster)\n- [Large Electronics](https://homestore.zola.com/shop/category/electronics-and-gadgets) (television, desktop computer, sound system/speakers)\n- [Lighting](https://homestore.zola.com/shop/category/lighting)\n- [Large Furniture](https://homestore.zola.com/shop/category/furniture) (couch, recliner, end tables, dining table and chairs)\n- [Decorative Items](https://homestore.zola.com/shop/category/decor) (bar cart, small and large rugs, planters)\n\nYou don’t want to start your new life in your new space bogged down by too much stuff—plus, again, why move all that extra stuff anyway? (Bonus: this is also a great way to figure out [what to add to your registry](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/wedding-registry-checklist) if you're not already married!)\n\nNow, there might be some duplicate items that you want to keep—and that’s totally fine! For example, if you and your SO both have TVs, you might want to keep them both. Use one in your new bedroom and one in the living room or another common space. Just make sure that you’re actually going to use both items.\n\n![Zola Inlineimage 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/2Aqhlpxai2P9p1AvoMNnkx/dbc28564643608b124cb1553e17985a5/Zola_Inlineimage_1080x720.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Zola\n\n## ...and of your space.\nBefore you move in together, you and your SO have to take inventory of your stuff—but you also need to take inventory of your space. There’s a limit to how much stuff can fit into any space. So before you decide who is bringing what, it’s important to evaluate your new home and figure out what there’s actually room for—and what items might need to be left behind.\n\nFor example, you might love your king-sized bed, but if your new bedroom is smaller than your current digs, bring your partner’s queen. Then, sell or donate your mattress and bed frame. Once you know how much room you’re working with, choose the items that make the most sense within the space.\n\n### How to Decide Between Duplicates\nOne of the challenges of combining stuff is deciding whose stuff stays and whose goes. Some items will prove easy to decide between, but others not so much. When the answer’s not clear, consider the following:\n\n- __Size:__ Which item is going to fit best in your space and with your other furniture? Bigger isn’t always better.\n- __Condition:__ Is one item newer than the other? Is one more dinged up than the other? A newer appliance may last longer than a well-loved one. \n- __Quality:__ Is one of the items a higher-quality brand or known to last longer than the other brand? Take the nicer knives.\n\n![Zola InlineImage 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/7iAEqrHK58sKTFUEEfXoSH/3afed75740d7e58b5728e482b9aa4def/Zola_InlineImage_1080x720_.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Zola\n\n## Make space for each other.\nA new home is an opportunity for both of you to make it your own. However, if one of you is moving into the other’s space, it can be a bit more challenging for you both to claim ownership. So, make space for each other.\n\nIf your SO is moving into your place, make sure you put in the extra effort to make them feel at home—and let them know that it’s no longer “your” place, but “our” place. Clear out space in the closet. Swap out some of your furniture so your SO has room to bring some of their own pieces. Rearrange your layout together so you both have a sense of ownership of the space. If you’re the one making the move into your partner’s home, ask for those same things. \n\nThe most important thing is to make sure you both feel at home—regardless of who’s home it was first.\n\n## Prepare to compromise.\nNo matter how in sync you and your partner are, there’s going to be at least an item or two in each of your respective homes that the other isn’t thrilled about. Enter: compromise.\n\nEveryone has things they love or attach sentimental value to. So, you and your partner both need to be willing to compromise on at least a few of those things for each other. For example, you might not love comic books, but if your partner has been collecting comics since they were a kid, it’s important to make space in your new home for them to display their collection (it doesn’t have to be the living room).\n\nCompromise is part of any happy, healthy marriage—and if you can compromise with your partner on the items that are meaningful to them (even if those items mean nothing to you), it will make the process of combining your things and moving in together a lot smoother.\n\n## Take a break.\nNo matter how excited you are to be moving in together, it’s a stressful process. So, take regular breaks. If you find yourself growing agitated when your SO takes up too much closet space or your partner seems snappier than usual, press pause and do something else. \n\nHit your favorite spot for dinner, go for a walk, or find another way to take a breather and disconnect. The point is, moving is inherently taxing. If you don’t want the stress to feel overwhelming, it’s important to step away every once in a while and spend some time with your partner (away from all the boxes that still need to be packed/unpacked).\n\n## Happy moving!\nCombining your things and moving in together can be tricky. Employ these tips and try your best to stay calm and composed. You’ll be happily moved, the perfect amount of stuff in tow, before you know it.\n","tag":"How-To ","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:32.061Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"changing-your-name","title":" What No One Tells You About Changing Your Name","excerpt":"Planning a wedding leads to a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, you’re filled with excitement, about to marry the love of your life surrounded by your friends and family. On the other hand, you’ve never been so stressed trying to balance finding invitations with cake tastings, dress fittings and a million other details.\n","publishedAt":"2019-04-23T18:53:48.210Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5b3vTxyYWsCHboaWqTwACy/415a598b61697f6478a6d48e7f410c94/4031118.jpg","altText":"Newlyweds Holding Hands changing name surname"},"heroCredit":" Erin L. Taylor Photography","heroCreditUrl":"https://www.zola.com/inspiration/wedding-photographers/erin-l-taylor-photography","body":"---\n*__Content by our partners at Née Name Change. We may earn compensation if you click the link or button below.__*\n\n---\n","tag":"Inspiration","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"sponsorCta":{"copy":"Get Started","url":"https://www.zola.com/shop/brand/nee-name-change"},"sponsorName":"Née Name Change","sponsorAbout":"It's simple. You want the name change without the hassle, without a headache, and let's face it, without the wait. We get it; you got better things to do than wait in a line for hours and fill out countless (and probably outdated) applications. Here at Née Name Change, we want you to rest assured. We've got you covered! Simply provide us with your basic information, and we provide the rest. The future of name change has evolved, and we're here to prove to you just how easy it can be. \n\nWith Née Name Change you can now change your name online, instead of in-line!\n","sponsoredBottomContent":"Planning a wedding leads to a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, you’re filled with excitement, about to marry the love of your life surrounded by your friends and family. On the other hand, you’ve never been so stressed trying to balance finding invitations with cake tastings, dress fittings and a million other details.\n\nThe last thing you want to do is spend hours filling out paperwork and on the phone informing dozens of entities about your [name change after marriage](https://zola.com/expert-advice/name-change-after-marriage). However, if you go about this process the old-fashioned way, that’s exactly what you’ll end up doing. Here’s what no one tells you about changing your name (and how to avoid this process altogether… hint hint [Née Name Change](https://www.zola.com/shop/brand/nee-name-change)\n\n## YOU HAVE OPTIONS\nBefore you start the process, you need to decide what name you’ll take. Changing your name doesn’t necessarily mean dropping your last name and replacing it with your soon to be husbands. Although that’s pretty common, more brides are choosing alternative methods, that are better suited for their personal or professional needs.\nIn most states, men and women can legally change their last name to their new spouse’s last name, hyphenate their two last names, or even create an entirely new name with a combination of both of their last names. #Trendy\n\n## NOT JUST A ONE-STOP-SHOP\nJust like when you and your friends head to a bottomless mimosa brunch, it’s important to remind yourself that this is a marathon, not a sprint. It can get pretty overwhelming with all the different paperwork and places you have to notify. The process itself is time-consuming and requires a lot of patience. You have to prepare to spend a good amount checking off all the boxes before completing your name change.\n\n## YOU HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE… WE MEAN EVERYONE\nYou don’t realize how important your name is until you change it. When you do enter this process, you need to notify the Social Security Administration, the IRS and the DMV for your new paperwork and license. You will also need to inform banks, credit card companies, and utility companies. Any documentation- like your passport- will also need to be updated.\n\nYou’ll need to get new checks, notify the post office, and update your medical records and insurance. If you have legal documents like a will or trust, you’ll want to look into changing them as well. Employers as well as friends and family members, should also be notified. *Insert deep breath here*\n\n## WHAT TO DO ABOUT KIDS…\nIf you are not married yet and you’re having a child, the baby will automatically take the mother’s last name unless you as parents request otherwise. If you are travelling alone with children whose last name doesn’t match your own, you might have to provide a notarized letter saying that the child is indeed yours.\nHaving a different last name than your child can make it difficult not just while travelling, but when it comes to doctor’s appointments and schooling.\n\n## THERE’S GOOD NEWS\nFeeling overwhelmed yet? The good news is you’ve come to the right place. At [Née Name Change](https://www.zola.com/shop/brand/nee-name-change), our goal is to simplify this process for you, so you can focus on more important things like bonding with your (not so warm and fuzzy) mother-in-law.\nWith our help, you won’t need to worry about where to start. We take care of gathering which forms you’ll need, showing you how to fill them out, and submitting applications. You can thank us later.\n","sponsorLogoImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3OiDHetvmksiT1f9MOlzRf/d20beff46b642b93b02a57f9411f3d4a/1.png","altText":"Née Name Change"},"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-11-22T19:03:03.574Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"top-advice-for-engaged-couples","title":"8 Top Advice for Engaged Couples Before Tying the Knot","excerpt":"Getting ready to walk down the aisle? Review this top advice for engaged couples before saying your “I dos!” Read on now.","author":"Jennifer Prince","publishedAt":"2020-12-22T21:42:30.882Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5E0cadqtqJvlQoTAphPWQj/4baf2c26099e5d919932c4d204e95830/Hero_Modern_RomanticNavyStyledShoot_KristinaKarinaPhotography.jpg","altText":"Top Advice for Engaged Couples"},"heroCredit":"Kristina Karina Photography","body":"The question has been asked, celebrations have been had, and now that you are officially an engaged couple, what happens next? __[Planning the wedding](https://zola.app.link/bVto6waeI7)__ is one of the most important things, of course. But there’s still a lot of work to do before you walk down the aisle, and __[Zola](https://zola.app.link/7cWRVj2fK7)__ is here to offer the best advice. Before you spend the rest of your life together, there are lots of steps as you start planning.\n\nMany couples crave [relationship advice](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-are-the-5-most-important-things-in-a-relationship) for engaged couples to help them before starting to figure out the little things, such as color schemes and themes. Seeking pre-marriage advice is smart and can really help your relationship in the long term. It’s important to enjoy your engagement season before you say I do and become newlyweds. \n\nThese [pieces of advice](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/to-dos-after-you-get-engaged) will help ease the stress of being engaged and help relieve any engagement anxiety. After all, this is a time for you to enjoy that shouldn’t cause extra stress in your already busy lives. Here are Zola’s tips on pre-wedding advice to set your [engagement period](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/the-first-10-things-to-do-when-planning-a-wedding) up for the highest success.\n\n## 1. Enjoy Being Engaged First\n\n![Top Advice for Engaged Couples SR](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4aXQVUWHa9d7Wx6Rlov4lL/507b92b91f9c0d71a21bd0c3bfaa4786/Inline_unsplash__33_.png)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\nPlanning a wedding can be exciting, and wanting to jump on social media to shout, “I’m engaged!” is understandable, but hold off. Enjoy being engaged for a little bit, because this is such a special time—you’ll want to remember and cherish every moment. It may also be one of the most challenging times that you face as a couple. Give yourselves time to dream and bask in the glow of taking that next step to a happy engagement.\n\n## 2. Make Time for the Big Conversations\n\nIt’s time for the tough conversations of what you want the wedding to look like before you jump feet first into planning. It won’t be the easiest conversation, but you’ll want to discuss the following as the foundation for wedding planning.\n\n- __Creating a Budget:__ How much can you comfortably afford to spend? Money can be a tension trigger, and Zola is here to help you find practical ways to save money and create a __[wedding budget](https://zola.app.link/cdPFiDyN71)__. “Plan with a firm budget in mind, and have real conversations about what the wedding looks like for the two of you,” says Sharea Farmer, LCSW, owner of RS Counseling and Wellness. Creating a budget also gives you a long-term vision. “Have an honest discussion surrounding feelings of money and a budget. Make sure it’s a collaborative effort, not just left in the hands of the person who’s ‘better with money.’ This way there’s no room for confusion about what the expectation is for budgeting as a family. Talk about having joint accounts, separate accounts, and even a savings plan. How will you make the final decision on large money purchases like a home, cars, and even the wedding?” says Farmer. \n\n- __Wedding Size:__ How many guests are you planning to invite for your big day? This is also the time to figure out who will be at the wedding party. “Ensure that you’re creating the wedding for you and not trying to have a fantasy wedding for family, friends, or social media,” says Farmer.\n\n- __Location:__ Will it be a destination wedding or something local? Finding a place that embodies both of you will be key in finding a __[wedding venue](https://www.zola.com/wedding-vendors/search/wedding-venues)__ you agree on.\n\n## 3. Don’t Spend All Your Time Planning\nBeing engaged is a magical time in your life, so don’t let it get consumed by wedding talk and stress. You’re preparing to marry, so your engagement should be about being in love and gearing up to start a new journey together. Set aside time when no wedding talk is allowed. The only rule is to focus on your relationship and not the wedding. There will be plenty of time to plan with your future spouse, plus you reduce the risk of being stressed and overwhelmed before your wedding day.\n\n## 4. Schedule Date Nights\nWhile you’re busy preparing for the big day, it’s still important to carve out time to date each other and have some fun. Stress and tension can get the best of you, so schedule a date night with your sweetie before it happens.\n\nFarmer says even after you do tie the knot, it’s important to keep the spark lit by continuing to date each other. “Always make time for the partnership, even as the family grows and evolves. There will be new responsibilities and new stressors, but the foundation must remain intact, and that comes with continuing to date one another and learning who you are at each stage in life,” she explains.\n\nStart practicing the commitment to prioritize dating, whether it’s through dinner dates, vacations, or even home dates, says Dr. Curtis D. Jasper, Ph.D., a therapist and couple’s counselor. “Dating helps couples increase and a strong affinity for one another, as well as chemistry for one another,” says Jasper. \n\n## 5. Get Pre-Marital Counseling\nCommunication is key in any relationship, but especially crucial for engaged couples. Farmer says that part of the pre-marital counseling process should be continuing the conversation about big life-changing moments, including where to live, financial expectations, and expanding your family with kids and pets. She says the keys to healthy communication with your future spouse include:\n\n- __Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable:__ Farmer says this means being clear in what it is that you need and want because your partner is not a mind reader. Farmer suggests learning how to exit the conversation without being abusive if it gets heated. “Successful partners know how to leave an argument and allow cooler heads to prevail.”\n- __Use “I” Statements:__ Discussions aren’t about being right, but instead, it’s about doing what’s right for your relationship as a married couple. Consider “we” instead of “I.”\n- __Complete Conversations:__ Always complete what you’re attempting to communicate. “It doesn’t always happen in one conversation, but see it all the way through,” says Farmer. \n- __Celebrate the Good Out Loud:__ Remind each other why you fell for each other. Affirm and uplift each other often. \n\n## 6. Decide To Do or Not Do It for Instagram\n\n![Top Advice for Engaged Couples SR](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/OCllgL2QGABMVnsqMja5Y/816b8794714e39fe773cdc5244b15b46/Inline_unsplash__34_.png)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\nIt’s exciting to share your engagement news with thousands of your social media friends, but be careful of what you do share as a newly engaged couple. “The intimacy of your relationship should remain private. Keep arguments and disagreements away from social media. Also, have a conversation about boundaries and the expectations of others once your relationship has begun and become public,” advises Farmer. \n\n“An obvious rule of thumb is that if one partner has a problem with a post or something else on social media, it's best to remove it or stop it. There are lots more offline challenges waiting to happen with just experiencing and sharing a life with a partner. Don’t allow online disagreements to spill over into the offline relationship. You’re going to need all the energy and resources for offline, real-world challenges,” says Jasper.\n\n### 7. Do Not Ask or Consider Everyone’s Opinions\nOnce you get an engagement ring, everyone from your wedding planner to your family members and future in-laws will want to weigh in with their planning tips. And while that’s ok, you don’t need to stress over pleasing everyone. While you’re bridesmaids and best friends may want to accompany you to select a wedding dress, at the end of the day, it may be too many opinions for you to handle. Only take advice that aligns with what you truly envision for yourself, your partner, and your big day.\n\n## 8. Make Sure to Take Engagement Photos\nDon’t miss out on the opportunity to remember the moment in time by having [engagement photos](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-take-authentic-engagement-photos). While you can get pictures taken during the proposal as the engagement ring is slipped on, don’t stress if that isn’t possible. You have your entire engagement period to work with a photographer to schedule a different time. You can use the images to make a wedding guest book that your loved ones can sign on your big day. Or you can simply display them in your home. Either way, celebrate your engagement season with photos of just the two of you.\n\n## Zola, the Place for Your Wedding Planning Needs\nNavigating from the initial engagement through the actual wedding can be overwhelming, but Zola is here to help make your wedding dreams become a reality. Zola has the answers whether you need a destination wedding venue in New York City or are trying to figure out who to put on your guest list. Our expert advice section is here for you 24/7, so you can start planning immediately. \n\nAlso, don’t forget to [create your registry](https://www.zola.com/wedding-registry) and sign up for a [free wedding website](https://www.zola.com/wedding-planning/website). Zola truly is a one-stop shop that has everything you need to prepare for your special day and beyond. For more tips on how to get started on __[wedding planning](https://zola.app.link/2tbNwzyN71)__, click __[here](https://zola.app.link/7cWRVj2fK7)__.","tag":"Advice","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"You and your partner have been dating for a while—when is it time to take the big step and move in together? Read on to find out.","title":"9 Signs That You Are Ready To Move In Together","slug":"when-should-you-move-in-together","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"Advice","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6z1izCU2tGEqryBcT8bFYr/4b6c68a7c775065543b70388532a288f/Hero_New__19_.jpg","altText":"couple moving in together"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Just engaged and wondering what’s next? A lot goes into wedding planning, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are the must-do to-dos after getting engaged.","title":"Just Engaged? Here’s What To Do Next!","slug":"to-dos-after-you-get-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6KWedC7RqcjzNqK8zy0LoU/286c6acfc830a30a9ac4d274ebf14501/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"Illustration graphic of an engagement ring box with a wedding ring and shine marks to indicate sparkle"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Want to find out where your partner stands on marriage, but not sure how to broach the subject? Read on to find how and when to talk about marriage when dating.","title":"How to Talk About Marriage When Dating","slug":"how-to-talk-about-marriage-when-dating","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"How To","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4XxX5CB6Xz06uYVX1pkihD/8363ec8437cf3a9816750c0a772ef8fb/Hero_TraditionalNuptialsinMiami_InfiniteLoopPhotography_Films.jpg","altText":"Talk About Marriage When Dating"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:32.859Z"}],"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples","description":"Congratulations on your engagement! In the midst of planning your wedding, you might need general advice on navigating life as a newly engaged couple. We give expert advice on topics like navigating a long distance engagement and answer questions like how to introduce your fiance to your family. We're here to guide and support you, in all ways, throughout this journey!"},"topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice","description":"Get relationship advice from the experts. Maybe you've been dating for a while and need guidance on how to talk about the next steps. Or you're newly engaged and need advice on how to handle wedding planning stress. You'll also find advice for newlywed couples, like how to combine finances. Plus guides to celebrating anniversaries and renewing your vows! Whatever stage of the journey you're in, we're here to support you through it all.","subtopics":[{"featuredArticles":[{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Dating","slug":"dating"},"slug":"how-to-talk-about-marriage-when-dating","title":"How to Talk About Marriage When Dating","excerpt":"Want to find out where your partner stands on marriage, but not sure how to broach the subject? Read on to find how and when to talk about marriage when dating.","author":"Lisa Wong Macabasco","publishedAt":"2020-12-22T20:35:08.748Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4XxX5CB6Xz06uYVX1pkihD/8363ec8437cf3a9816750c0a772ef8fb/Hero_TraditionalNuptialsinMiami_InfiniteLoopPhotography_Films.jpg","altText":"Talk About Marriage When Dating"},"heroCredit":"Infinite Loop Photography+Films","body":"When dating, it can be nerve-wracking to broach the subject of marriage. But for those who think they’ve found a long-term partner and are ready to have a frank discussion about where the relationship is heading, this is an important step—and there are several important things to consider. \n\nIf you’re ready to take the plunge, here’s some sage expert advice about how to talk about marriage while you’re still dating. \n\n## Consider Your Timing\nFirst, it’s important to have a candid talk with your partner about where the relationship is heading and whether you both agree marriage is in the cards. When exactly this conversation should happen is based in part on your age and your priorities. \n\nIf you’re around 30 or older, it’s critical to talk about where the relationship is heading after being together for six months or so, especially if a woman wants to have children, advises [Yvonne Thomas](https://www.yvonnethomasphd.com/), Ph.D., a Los Angeles–based psychologist whose specialties include relationships. (The talk could happen as early as three months if things look serious.) “But if people are in their 20s, sometimes you're just having fun—you don't have to worry about biological time clocks,” says Thomas. \n\n![Zola_How to Talk About Marriage When Dating](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4yqVzRoVg6s2SRVDqApGJ3/8a64ed447f14792145548b14505a57a7/Inline_unsplash__39_.png)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\n## Read the Room\n\nMake sure the conditions are right for these kinds of serious discussions. “You don't want to freak anybody out and you want to do it lovingly,” says Thomas. “You want to do it as a team, so it needs to be non-adversarial and needs to be calm. Nobody should have been drinking or under the influence of anything. You want to be clear-headed. You want to be able to be in a good frame of mind, not too tired, not cranky.”\n\n## Set a Tone of Honesty \n\nConversations about marriage during dating can feel more difficult for many reasons. Sometimes one partner feels more ready than the other and doesn’t want to be pushy. Other times one partner cannot fully commit or may not feel mature enough to marry and make a lifelong commitment to anyone yet. This begs the question about whether the more ready partner should wait. In those cases, frank and open discussions need to be had about whether they both want each other as life partners and have the same desire to marry one another. If those things are the same, then sometimes couples can compromise on a timeline and discuss what may need to happen first. \n\n“When having marriage discussions, it’s best, to be honest about where you stand and listen carefully to the other person without being pushy,” says [Dr. Paulette Sherman](https://drpaulettesherman.com/), a psychologist, author of [Marriage and the Law of Attraction](https://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Law-Attraction-Creating-Relationship/dp/0991540557) and the host of The Love Psychologist podcast. “It is important to take your partner at their word and not to create a story that they will change their mind.” \n\nConsider prefacing the talk as one where you’ll both be honest and respect each other. “Go into the conversation with a loving and on-the-same-team kind of spirit,” says Thomas. “You want to make it non-threatening because you want each party to be transparent.” \n\n## Be Upfront About What You Want \n\n“If marriage is a non-negotiable for you, don’t be afraid to state that as early as a first date,” says [Anita Chlipala](https://www.relationshipreality312.com/), a Chicago-based licensed marriage, and family therapist. “Someone who also wants marriage won’t freak out because you stated your desire early on. I’ve worked with couples who spent years together and end up gridlocked over the issue of one partner wanting marriage and the other one doesn’t. If you don’t want to waste your time, make sure you continue to date someone whose end goal is the same as yours.”\n\n## Get in the Details of the Future\nDon’t focus only on the details of your dream wedding, but rather on the broad specifics of your lives together. “A wedding and a marriage are two separate things,” points out [Crystal Bradshaw](https://www.synergycounselinginnovations.com/), a licensed professional counselor specializing in couples counseling. “When talking about marriage, you need to focus on how you will both go through life together as teammates. You’ll have to talk about what your expectations are for each other as partners, as parents (if you want to have kids), as well as your expectations of the relationship. Don’t assume your partner shares your definition of marriage. Get explicit with this conversation, leave nothing to assumption.” Bradshaw recommends starting with these questions and topics:\n\n- Share your hopes, dreams, visions, and goals for your life.\n- Identify the core values and see how closely you match up, as those will be the pillars on which you build your relationship.\n- Explore what marriage means to you and why it’s important. What is it that you look to get out of marriage?\n- What do you envision for yourself two, seven, 12, or even 32 years from now? Do the visions you have for yourself align with your partner?\n- What life dreams do you share? Are there any life dreams that would create an obstacle or conflict? Have you given any thought to how you would approach obstacles that you don’t see eye-to-eye on?\n- What have you not considered that you need to reflect on?\n- In what ways are you complementary? What are the polarities that may contribute to future challenges that will need to be navigated? Is this a person you see navigating challenges with you? How do you anticipate navigating challenges?\n\n## Get Organized\n\nThomas recommends each partner independently make a list with three columns: nonnegotiables/deal breakers, compromises, and nice-to-haves. Compromises are the ones where everybody could give a little bit to meet in the middle. Nice-to-haves are, well, nice to have, but not necessary. Then, tackle each of your important topics, sorting each into a column: children, religion, family, jobs, where you want to live, etc. Then compare notes with your partner. This exercise will help clarify where you both stand and how much room for compromise exists around the life topics you care about. \n\n## Give It Time—and Space\n![Zola_How to Talk About Marriage When Dating](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5SHtGqeFV7V0pndZbWEYRr/07dfc1b56374f84b7839cdf4b9826a0c/Inline_unsplash__38_.png)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\nFor these heavy conversations with your partner, it’s best to have a series of conversations over time instead of one hash-it-all-out session. The first conversation can cover whether you’re both interested in marriage at all in general and then proceed from there.\n\nIt’s important to spend time reflecting separately, Thomas notes. “Let each other have space and time to think about it on their own so that they can come back as authentic and as real as possible. Each person needs to know their truth and speak their truth. And the other one's going to have to hear it.”\n\nThe bottom line: If you're in a long term relationship, good communication is key. Before jumping into marriage, discuss important topics like religion, life goals, commitment, and finances. The sooner you have these difficult conversations and ask the important questions, the faster you'll be able to tell if the two of you are made for each other.\n","tag":"How To","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"Finding the person you spend forever with is no easy task. There are signs to look out for to know if someone is your soulmate. Learn more here.","title":"How Do You Know You’ve Found “The One“?","slug":"how-do-you-know-youve-found-the-one","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"Advice","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1qEbZGmQOEVaFZN6Y5nzWM/6c3650f50147658c78f789ed88111e8a/Hero_ModernFallElopementatFreeman-s_AngelicaRadwayPhotography.jpg","altText":"Finding the one to marry"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"You and your partner have been dating for a while—when is it time to take the big step and move in together? Read on to find out.","title":"9 Signs That You Are Ready To Move In Together","slug":"when-should-you-move-in-together","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"Advice","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6z1izCU2tGEqryBcT8bFYr/4b6c68a7c775065543b70388532a288f/Hero_New__19_.jpg","altText":"couple moving in together"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Finding the person you spend forever with is no easy task. There are signs to look out for to know if someone is your soulmate. Learn more here.","title":"How Do You Know You’ve Found “The One“?","slug":"how-do-you-know-youve-found-the-one","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"Advice","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1qEbZGmQOEVaFZN6Y5nzWM/6c3650f50147658c78f789ed88111e8a/Hero_ModernFallElopementatFreeman-s_AngelicaRadwayPhotography.jpg","altText":"Finding the one to marry"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Just engaged and wondering what’s next? A lot goes into wedding planning, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are the must-do to-dos after getting engaged.","title":"Just Engaged? Here’s What To Do Next!","slug":"to-dos-after-you-get-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6KWedC7RqcjzNqK8zy0LoU/286c6acfc830a30a9ac4d274ebf14501/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"Illustration graphic of an engagement ring box with a wedding ring and shine marks to indicate sparkle"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:39:24.337Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Dating","slug":"dating"},"slug":"how-do-you-know-youve-found-the-one","title":"How Do You Know You’ve Found “The One“?","excerpt":"Finding the person you spend forever with is no easy task. There are signs to look out for to know if someone is your soulmate. Learn more here.","author":"Monica Mercuri","publishedAt":"2020-12-21T22:44:48.348Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1qEbZGmQOEVaFZN6Y5nzWM/6c3650f50147658c78f789ed88111e8a/Hero_ModernFallElopementatFreeman-s_AngelicaRadwayPhotography.jpg","altText":"Finding the one to marry"},"heroCredit":"Angelica Radway Photography","body":"Ah, “the one.” The concept that there’s one person meant for you, while lovely, is often followed by questions of how you know you’ve found that soulmate. Ask anyone you know that is in a long-term relationships and you’re likely to receive vague answers of, “*I just knew*” and “*everything just made sense.*” While that’s sweet for them, this ends up being more mystifying than helpful for you. Not to worry. \n\nWhether or not you believe that there’s one right person for you out there (among 7.8 million others), there *are* a few specific qualities that are present in most long-term partners (and successful relationships). Below, top relationship experts share their top five signs that you’ve found your person. Consider these your green flags.\n\n## What Do We Mean by “the One”?\n\nBefore we get into how you know you’ve found “the one,” let’s talk about what that even means. While books and film would have you believe this is some magical person that you’re supposed to be with, professional opinions are a bit more grounded in reality. \n\nIn simple terms, when most people say that they’ve found this person, what they mean is that they’ve found someone they feel is their life partner, says Dr. Chloe Carmichael, clinical psychologist and author of “[Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating](https://www.drchloe.com/dating/)”, tells us. [Lisa Bahar](https://lisabahar.com/about-lisa-bahar/), marriage and family therapist and adjunct faculty for Pepperdine University’s Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology program adds that this “synergy” or sense of being on the “same wavelength” often comes from sharing some fundamental beliefs about relationships and the world in general.\n\nThe pitfall of this idea is that there’s only one specific partner that you’re supposed to somehow find and be with. This is where relationship professionals and our favorite cheesy rom-coms clash. Across the board, our experts agree that, in all likelihood, there are actually multiple people who could be a potential partner. \n\nThis is great news! If you thought you’d found the one and it didn’t work out, rest assured that you haven’t missed your only shot. There’s a high chance that you’ll meet someone else that’s just as—if not more—compatible for you. That being said, there are definitely a few key signs that you’ve connected with someone you could have a wonderful, successful relationship with. These include… \n\n## You Share Similar Values and Priorities\n\nWhat are the [qualities to look for in a partner](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-talk-about-marriage-when-dating)? While they don’t need to be identical, your partner should, at least, have similar core values and priorities as you. This could involve religion, political views, future planning, and even things along the line of education level and [finances](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/to-dos-after-you-get-engaged). “These are values and priorities that define a person’s character and perspective on life,” says Bahar. \n\nShe explains that people often look for others who relate in these ways in order to click. While opposites can attract—and help each person in a relationship grow—having values and priorities in common can massively aid in creating a strong foundation and clear outlook on the future. If you’re unclear if this is the case, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, marriage and family therapist, author of “[Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex Love](https://www.amazon.com/Exaholics-Breaking-Your-Addiction-Love/dp/145491825X)”, and host of the [Love, Happiness, and Success](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/love-happiness-success-podcast/id858864457?mt=2) podcast suggests asking yourself if your partner has a track record of making what you feel are good decisions, and if their long term goals feel compatible with yours.\n\n## You Have Healthy Communication and Accountability\n\nHaving healthy communication is when you’re able to be honest and transparent with one-another, without a conversation devolving into a hateful or bitter argument. As you can imagine, this is crucial in a relationship that wants to go the distance. \n\nBeing able to communicate will be the tool that gets you past inevitable conflicts and disagreements. Dr. Bobby notes that it’s important that someone shows the ability to “stay in the ring” and have productive conversations—even when they’re challenging. Your partner should be able to apologize when they’ve done something wrong, and hold themselves accountable when need be. Likewise, they should also point out when you’ve done something to upset them and talk it out without getting defensive. Regardless of topic, your success as a couple and moving forward should always be the goal, not ‘winning’ or coming out on top.\n\n## There’s Mutual Affection and Intimacy\n\n![How Do You Know You’ve Found “The One](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/31WEnOdNfu8X72PrPyFAza/cbd2596c8c4a7c05d90bf898b88bc9c0/inline_unsplash.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\nSimply put, your partner should be comfortable showing you affection. However, it’s crucial to note that there isn’t just one way that someone can express this. In fact, affection can be expressed through various acts. You’ve probably heard of the love languages—words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, [quality time](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/guests-weddings-and-vaccines-what-you-need-to-know), and physical touch. \n\nSimilar to that logic, your partner should be able to show their affection towards you in the ways that you feel you need (and vice-versa), whether that’s cuddling on the couch, praising your work, or doing you a favor. Just don’t expect someone to catch on to your specific needs in this area right away. If you feel it’d be helpful, have a conversation about how you both like to receive love and affection. From there, a partner that’s in it for the long haul will put in the effort to meet those needs.\n\nLikewise, your relationship should possess intimacy. While intimacy can lend itself to sexual compatibility, it can also mean that there’s a genuine closeness between the two of you. According to an [Instagram post](https://www.instagram.com/p/B3dzZpGnV-5/?utm_source=ig_embed) from Therapist [Alyssa Mancao](https://www.alyssamariewellness.com/), like love languages, there are also different types of intimacy—emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical. Mancao notes that these types of intimacy foster necessary closeness and connection in a relationship. While your partner may express their affection in ways specific to you, you should feel intimate with them on each of these levels.\n\n## They’re Willing to Seriously Discuss the Future\n\nWhile not often spoken about, an ability to seriously discuss your future together is one of the clearest signs that someone is the one. “Being ‘the one’ is more than just an immense enjoyment of each other’s company and a general sense that you have the same life blueprint. Being ‘the one’ in the sense of a life partner will typically also mean having a genuine willingness and ability to make a future-oriented commitment to you, in this moment,” explains Dr. Carmichael. \n\nBefore committing to the idea that someone is the one, she urges you to first understand more about whether the person is truly thinking in a future-oriented manner about a relationship with you specifically. If they are, great! If not, they may not be in the same place as you, nor want the same things. In either case, this is paramount to discuss with someone you consider a potential life partner.\n\n![How Do You Know You’ve Found “The One](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/odRMQ6b9YbK1gmUo4ZPl7/bba299016ba347f03f38e31d8e91703f/inline_unsplash_1_.jpg)*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\n## You’re Both Willing to Fight for Your Relationship’s Success\n\nAs compatible as you may be on paper (or notes app), the strongest indicator of someone being “the one” is whether or not you’re both willing to make it work and work through [marriage problems](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/to-dos-after-you-get-engaged). While similar interests and values are important, you should both be prepared to build a strong foundation and work for your future together. If we’re being realistic, lasting relationships without conflict don’t exist. Because of this, you both need to be willing to fight for your relationship’s success. \n\n“[The one] is willing to work through deeper emotional blocks or hard times with each other,” states [Dr. Paulette Sherman](http://www.drpaulettesherman.com/), psychologist, author of “[Marriage and the Law of Attraction: The Secret to Creating Your Perfect Relationship](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0991540557/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tpbk_p1_i8)”, and host of The Love Psychologist Podcast. When you’re both prepared to put in the work for a future together, consider it a strong indicator that you’ve found the one.\n\nThe idea of finding your meant-to-be partner is a daunting one. On top of other common dating mishaps, it can sound like a tall order when you’re seeking someone you can have a serious relationship with. Likewise, it can be intimidating to question whether the person you’re seeing is really that compatible for you in the long term. In any case, try to avoid unnecessary spiraling and really think through these key factors. What’s most important here is that you’re honest with yourself about your relationship—even when it’s hard. When all else fails, just know that love isn’t an exact science. Take all the time you need and, ultimately, trust both your head and heart.\n","tag":"Advice","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"Want to find out where your partner stands on marriage, but not sure how to broach the subject? Read on to find how and when to talk about marriage when dating.","title":"How to Talk About Marriage When Dating","slug":"how-to-talk-about-marriage-when-dating","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"How To","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4XxX5CB6Xz06uYVX1pkihD/8363ec8437cf3a9816750c0a772ef8fb/Hero_TraditionalNuptialsinMiami_InfiniteLoopPhotography_Films.jpg","altText":"Talk About Marriage When Dating"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Just engaged and wondering what’s next? A lot goes into wedding planning, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are the must-do to-dos after getting engaged.","title":"Just Engaged? Here’s What To Do Next!","slug":"to-dos-after-you-get-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6KWedC7RqcjzNqK8zy0LoU/286c6acfc830a30a9ac4d274ebf14501/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"Illustration graphic of an engagement ring box with a wedding ring and shine marks to indicate sparkle"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"We spoke with a marriage therapist and couples about their best marriage advice for engaged couples, newlyweds, and couples celebrating another year of marriage.","title":"20 Best Marriage Advice Tips from Experts and Old Couples","slug":"the-3-best-pieces-of-marriage-advice-according-to-a-marriage-therapist","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"Advice","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/7yk1TfwWjXPYXYiIyuvc4B/a8e8f51ad7935471908fa94113c38734/Hero_MountainDestinationWeddingatTheMagnoliaVenue_HeatherFaulknerPhotograhy.jpg","altText":"Mixed race bride and groom looking at each other lovingly on their big day"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:39:26.209Z"}],"name":"Dating","slug":"dating","description":"Whether you just started dating and are looking for special birthday gift ideas or have been dating for sometime and need guidance on how to talk about bringing your relationship to the next level. Find practical dating advice for every couple."},{"featuredArticles":[{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"what-is-engagement-anxiety","title":"What is Engagement Anxiety?","excerpt":"Do you feel like you’re developing engagement anxiety? Learn about the signs and how to treat it with this complete guide.","author":"Shameika Rhymes","publishedAt":"2020-12-22T21:46:13.774Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/7KnaGVPKUDDvmgc6ASCFAE/d6ac53204c3dcd6b63dcfa4ae5b33b9d/Hero_OutdoorSpringElopementatRobbinsPreserve_AndreaHarbonePhotography__1_.jpg","altText":"What is Engagement Anxiety"},"heroCredit":"Andrea Harbone Photography","body":"Congratulations, you’re engaged! Feelings of shock and excitement are expected, but one emotion that takes many soon-to-be brides and grooms by surprise is anxiety. Tying the knot is a big step, and let’s face it, preparing for a life change of this magnitude can be overwhelming. The good news: [Zola](https://www.zola.com/) is here to help you along the way.\n\nThe important thing to know is that feeling engagement anxiety is normal—and it’s temporary. “If you don’t have second thoughts about becoming someone’s partner, you’re not human, but they are just second thoughts,” says Dr. Ish Major, dating and relationship expert, and star of WEtv’s “Marriage Boot Camp” series.\n\n## What Is Engagement Anxiety?\n\n“Engagement anxiety is commonly referred to as cold feet, and it’s a common response to the enormous change your life is about to undergo,” explains Sharea Farmer, LCSW, owner of RS Counseling and Wellness. She says couples aren’t just dealing with their emotions, but also the expectations of their family, friends, and societal pressures surrounding a public engagement and marriage. “All of these factors can drive your anxiety through the roof and cause you to question everything, even if you are ready to get married,” she explains. \n\nHow do you know if what you’re feeling is engagement anxiety? “Engagement anxiety feels much more intense than just nervousness or butterflies,” says [Dr. Curtis D. Jasper, Ph.D.](https://www.drcurtisdjasper.com/), therapist, couple’s counselor, and relationship expert. He adds that it’s a common occurrence among newly engaged couples. “Even for those individuals and couples who feel like the engagement is the right step and that the choice of partner is the correct choice, there still will remain a bit of anxiousness that can lead to extreme anxiety—usually about the unknown, the newness, and the grieving of anticipating giving up the current or single lifestyle,” he adds. \n\nThe good news is there are ways to reduce your anxiety levels over time so you can focus on walking down the aisle. Here, some tips from relationship experts on how to handle your pre-engagement anxiety.\n\n#### 1. Be Realistic\n\nIt’s understandable to feel a range of emotions about the big commitment you’re about to make. Experts say it’s crucial to remember that life has its ups and downs—and the same goes for your wedding day. “Have realistic expectations about the wedding, the marriage, and the life you wish to build. Our experiences and expectations around marriage have been shaped by years of conditioning through fairy tales, television, and movies, so we often overlook that this is real and will take real skills to succeed,” says Farmer. Dig deeper to find what could be triggering your anxiety. “Engagements and marriage aren’t about what you’ll be giving up; they’re all about what you’re gaining,” says Dr. Major.\n\n#### 2. Challenge Your Anxiety\n\nEngagement anxiety is common, but it’s still important to acknowledge how you’re feeling. Write down your fears and evaluate how realistic they are, says Farmer. This can help you replace fear-based thoughts with more realistic ones. Dr. Jasper also suggests seeking out a professional to help squash those anxiety-riddled fears. \n\n#### 3. Talk It Out\n\n![What is Engagement Anxiety?](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6qZf3pcI007hLQWAhauzml/67fb318c8f77ac417b68ef12b9f71dff/Inline_unsplash__31_.png)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\nCouples tend to keep those second thoughts from their other half, as they don’t want to have their feelings taken out of context. But part of a healthy and happy relationship is being able, to be honest with your partner, especially if you are experiencing higher anxiety levels. Keep the lines of communication open with your fiancé. Communicating your feelings and sharing your emotions may help you deal with them as a couple rather than having to handle it alone.\n\n__Expert Tip: Use “I” statements and avoid blaming language, global statements, and talking with increased emotions. Start slowly to avoid arguments.__\n\n#### 4. Take Care of Yourself\nSelf-care is important when you’re dealing with an overwhelming amount of stress and anxiety. Farmer suggests practicing self-care, including meditating or breathing techniques, to help calm those nerves down. “Do the things that you love with the person you love. Whether it’s your partner or spending some time alone, do what is necessary to ground yourself,” says Farmer. \n\n#### 5. Find a Premarital Counselor\n\n![What is Engagement Anxiety?](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/63nK6wnqEdcsAmhHZbAbjq/41875a2d9f384cd6d75de74984b31e8d/Inline_unsplash__29_.png)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\nTalking to family and friends may not be such a good thing. “Many will be quick to tell you their worst experiences and these can easily shape your thoughts,” says Farmer. Seeing a professional for premarital counseling with your partner can also ease your engagement anxiety. “Find an unbiased, experienced professional to ensure you and your partner are on the same page and speaking on the issues out loud under the leadership of someone with training. You may be surprised to learn that your partner is feeling some of the same anxiety you're feeling,” she says. \nIf you’re experiencing pre-engagement anxiety, know that it’s normal and will subside. To help you enjoy the process of your engagement and wedding planning, [Zola](https://www.zola.com/) is here for you. For more tips on how to get started on [wedding planning](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-plan-a-wedding), click [here](https://www.zola.com/).\n","tag":"Advice","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"Getting ready to walk down the aisle? Review this top advice for engaged couples before saying your “I dos!” Read on now.","title":"8 Top Advice for Engaged Couples Before Tying the Knot","slug":"top-advice-for-engaged-couples","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"Advice","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5E0cadqtqJvlQoTAphPWQj/4baf2c26099e5d919932c4d204e95830/Hero_Modern_RomanticNavyStyledShoot_KristinaKarinaPhotography.jpg","altText":"Top Advice for Engaged Couples"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Just engaged and wondering what’s next? A lot goes into wedding planning, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are the must-do to-dos after getting engaged.","title":"Just Engaged? Here’s What To Do Next!","slug":"to-dos-after-you-get-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6KWedC7RqcjzNqK8zy0LoU/286c6acfc830a30a9ac4d274ebf14501/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"Illustration graphic of an engagement ring box with a wedding ring and shine marks to indicate sparkle"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Today’s couples are craving experiences instead of gifts. Our date ideas are fabulous to add to your wedding registry to make memories with your love.","title":"12 Fabulous Date Ideas to Put on Your Registry","slug":"12-fabulous-date-ideas-to-put-on-your-registry","topic":"Registry & gifts","tag":"List","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5XFbyLUjyLaqT7gm3RrHDI/8a01b731d6339621e591c9e2915835bd/hannah-busing-zhDREn4OqY8-unsplash.jpg","altText":"Date Ideas to Put on Your Registry"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:27.823Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"parents-and-fiance-dont-get-along","title":"5 Reasons Your Parents and Fiancé Don't Get Along—and How to Deal","excerpt":"There are many common reasons your parents many not like your fiancé. Licensed therapists share what to do and how to talk about it when your parents and partner don't get along.","author":"Monica Mercuri","publishedAt":"2019-12-19T19:59:14.947Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5Tlmlny0gut2tGN3YKWOnA/609bf1855ee4ea250a587cd926039832/SPECIAL_HERO_MonnettePhotography_1080x720_Ashleigh_Drew.jpg","altText":"couple with partner and parents who don't get along"},"heroCredit":"Monnette Photography","body":"Fresh off an engagement, many couples grab their phones to [call their families](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-announce-your-engagement), namely their parents or any parent-like figures. However, for some couples, that call can cause some tension. If your parents don’t like or get along with your fiancé, an engagement can cause as much stress as it may excitement. \n\nIf there’s turmoil between your parents and your partner, you may be feeling a little lost. To help you out, we talked to licensed relationship therapists for their advice on how to approach—and hopefully, amend—these relationships. Here, we’re breaking it down by common reasons for disagreements between parents and partners.\n\n## Your partner is a different race or religion.\nObviously, disagreements involving race, religion, or other lifestyle differences vary greatly from family to family. However, according to [Aimee Hartstein](http://www.aimeehartstein.com/), LCSW, a relationship therapist, these conflicts can come from the same place. Therefore, they can be approached similarly. \n\n“Your parents may have expected you to marry someone who is of the same background as they are and may be sad, confused, enraged, or disappointed that you’ve made a very different life decision,” she says. This can extend to worries about how you may raise your future children (their grandchildren). It’s a touchy and sensitive topic for everyone involved. However, that doesn’t mean there’s room to compromise. \n\n__How to Deal:__ If your parent or parents are disapproving, have a direct conversation with them, excluding your fiancé. Confront them about their judgments and fears while standing your ground. If they’re less strict and more so hopeful in their wants you for, there may be room for them to alter or update their perspective and form a good relationship with your to-be spouse. \n\nIf your parents still don’t approve, Hartstein recommends putting space between them and yourself. “Let them know that you need them to accept you, your partner, and your life choices,” she affirms.\n\n![INLINE GiannasPhotography 1080x720 Hanna&Nicole](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4jL0GZAxY74ajBmhDHFiv3/5effde16e3baa9017ea093d999f0869f/INLINE_GiannasPhotography_1080x720_Hanna_Nicole.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Gianna's Photography\n\n## Your parents and partner never got along.\nWhether the tension stems from a specific incident or is simply a result of clashing personalities, it’s possible your partner and parents just never clicked. If it’s a long-standing fued of sorts, you may already be prepared for some backlash. You may feel like there’s nothing you can do about it. However, it’s not necessarily too late. \n\n__How to Deal:__ There are a few ways to approach the situation, depending on what caused the rift.\n- *__If your fiancé is in the wrong:__* “If something or several things happen where say your fiancé rubbed someone the wrong way, I would recommend having your fiancé directly communicate with the parent,” says Licenced Marriage and Family Therapist, [Dr. Alisa Ruby Bash](http://m.alisarubybash.com/). “Having them step forward and say, I love your child and I want to work through this and I’m sorry if I offended you can be really effective.” \n- *__If your parents are in the wrong:__* Ask them to put in the effort to make amends and get past a certain occurrence that can promote healing. “If it’s more personality-based, it’s a little more challenging,” Dr. Bash admits. “The important thing is that, while someone may not fully like the other person, they’re going to have to learn to live with them.”\n\nIn this case, speaking to your parents or fiancé and letting them know that their effort to try to get along means a lot to you—it can be a great motivator. “You can make those attempts and sometimes things can be resolved. People can get past things and healing can definitely take place,” Dr. Bash says.\n\nHowever, if there’s a lot of arguing or the disagreement spans a long time, therapy (individual, [couple’s](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-talk-about-marriage-when-dating), or family) can be an extremely useful tool.\n\n## Your fiancé has been disrespectful.\nFor whatever reason, your fiancé may be the source of tension between them and your parents. This is, frankly, unacceptable, especially if the disrespect stems from nothing other than your partner being difficult. “Unless your parents are incredibly rude or alienating to your partner, there’s no reason for [him or her] to be disrespectful,” Hartstein says. \n\nIn fact, if the person you love isn’t willing to be respectful towards your family, it could be a bad sign for the relationship. “It’s concerning if you have a partner who you can’t trust to get along with your friends, family, and the general population at large,” Hartstein says. “I recommend trying to nip this in the bud with direct discussion as soon as possible.”\n\n__How to Deal:__ The sooner you confront your partner about their behavior, the better. If you avoid confrontation and just hope for eventual improvement, it’s likely that you’ll harbor major resentment towards them in the future.\n\n## My parents still like my ex.\nWhile it may feel like a betrayal, it’s understandable if your parents still have fond feelings [for your ex](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/invite-ex-to-wedding). If they feel this way, chances are they spent considerable time with them and formed a positive relationship. Nothing about this is abnormal or malicious. It shouldn’t, however, in any way influence their relationship or opinion of your fiancé. \n\n“It’s fine that your parents like and perhaps miss your ex, but it’s your life and your decision. You have good reasons that you’re no longer with them and have committed to a new partner,” Hartstein says.\n\n__How to Deal:__ In this case, you’ll want to speak with your parents without your partner, in order to avoid any awkwardness or putting anyone on the spot. Be considerate of your parents’ feelings while also taking Hartstein’s advice and being direct. Let them know it’d mean a lot to you if they attempted to form new bonds with your new partner.\n\n![INLINE NightingalePhotography 1080x720 Zoe&Earl](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/59Hm5stxwjmdk7f9Kjfy3T/302e92c031c7f142654eb4361be7b23b/INLINE_NightingalePhotography_1080x720_Zoe_Earl.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Nightingale Photography\n\n## My partner and parents aren’t close enough. \nWhether the relationship is new or your parents simply haven’t had a lot of time to bond with your partner, this problem isn’t super uncommon. Simply put, your parents may feel as though they don’t have a good idea of who your fiancé is—and how he or she may treat you. Perhaps they haven’t been able to form any sort of relationship with them, due to shyness on either side, a lack of effort, or even your geographical location.\n\n__How to Deal:__ Naturally, the best thing to do is make an effort to have your parents and fiancé spend some time together. If you’re able to, make plans for all of you to do something as a group. Go [wedding venue scouting](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-choose-a-wedding-venue) then go out to lunch. Invite them over for dinner or offer to cook at their place. Chances are they simply want to feel important and involved.\n\nIf your fiancé is shy, ask them what they’d be comfortable doing before setting any plans. Also, avoid inviting other family members or friends since that can be distracting and defeat the purpose.\n\nIf you live far from your parents, take Dr. Bash’s advice: “In a situation where you’re maybe living in another country and it’s hard to plan a trip or meet in person—maybe someone is deployed and can’t come back—at least try to do a FaceTime call or something similar.”\n\nJust making your parents feel that they’re important, that you want their approval, and that you’re making that effort will a long way, she adds.\n\n## What To Do When There’s No Resolution\nIt’s a sad result to consider, but it’s possible that your partner and parents won’t end up making amends. Certain opinions and incidents may run too deep. It’s crucial, in this case, to recognize that this is an emotionally charged situation and allow yourself to feel sad about it.\n\n“Sometimes we have these ideas of harmonious relationships and how we want things to go and that doesn’t happen,” Dr. Bash says. “[You] have to mourn not being able to have the type of bigger family relationship we might’ve wanted, while still going ahead and marrying your partner.” \n\nAfter any type of fallout, don’t be afraid to lean on a loved one (your partner, especially) and speak to a professional. Voicing your thoughts and feelings can be instrumental in allowing you to heal and feel better.\n","tag":"Inspiration","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"Just engaged and wondering what’s next? A lot goes into wedding planning, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are the must-do to-dos after getting engaged.","title":"Just Engaged? Here’s What To Do Next!","slug":"to-dos-after-you-get-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6KWedC7RqcjzNqK8zy0LoU/286c6acfc830a30a9ac4d274ebf14501/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"Illustration graphic of an engagement ring box with a wedding ring and shine marks to indicate sparkle"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"You're engaged! Now it's time to tell people. Here are the best ways to make an engagement announcement that works for you. ","title":"How to Announce Your Engagement","slug":"how-to-announce-your-engagement","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3hk4Xt2gcurIwwAACqfcxh/52d16b9f41ed4c4e63d6f316dcb0379d/How-to-Announce-your-Engagement.jpg","altText":"Couple makes engagement announcement"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Getting engaged at the same time as your best friend can be exciting—and tricky. Here's how to manage expectations and be there for your friend as you plan your own wedding.","title":"How to Be Engaged at the Same Time As Your Best Friend","slug":"engaged-same-time-as-best-friend","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6Rc2R8CnYBAvDUljxL9qk2/431a71cd2fa527552615df47b88f9de0/HERO_PexelsAsyaCusima_1080x720.jpg","altText":"friends engaged at the same time"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Not every couple's families have the opportunity to meet before the engagement. Here's how to gracefully introduce your families post-engagement.","title":"How To Introduce Your Families Post-Engagement","slug":"introduce-families-after-engagement","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"How To","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/A54vpDACwsNVuKhv8nejf/778b4b0d4d17b09384b2f113a7177968/Hero_New_Unsplash.jpg","altText":"engaged couple's families meet for the first time"},"type":"articlePage"}],"featured":[{"excerpt":"Getting engaged marks an exciting change in a couple’s life, but it can also alter friendships. Here, an expert shares how to deal when friends treat you differently after you get engaged.","title":"My Friends Treat Me Differently Now That I'm Engaged","slug":"friends-treat-differently-now-im-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Advice","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4PtdSvTII7B9l0XrlWcJ6T/86cd148235fab4de4fe699d54142a31b/My-Friends-Treat-Me-Differently-Now-That-I-m-Engaged.jpg","altText":"friends talking after wedding engagement"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Follow these step-by-step instructions for how to plan an engagement party to achieve guaranteed hosting success. ","title":"The Ultimate Guide to Plan an Engagement Party","slug":"how-to-plan-an-engagement-party","topic":"Parties & events","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6gsqs04WfHnnZR5YSUGvch/ac4778019adadb17d985dc84e1ef3aff/Brand_Book_Yeti_03.jpg","altText":"Yeti cooler filled with bottles of sparkling rose wine and glasses filled with wine in the background"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Just engaged and wondering what’s next? A lot goes into wedding planning, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are the must-do to-dos after getting engaged.","title":"Just Engaged? Here’s What To Do Next!","slug":"to-dos-after-you-get-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6KWedC7RqcjzNqK8zy0LoU/286c6acfc830a30a9ac4d274ebf14501/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"Illustration graphic of an engagement ring box with a wedding ring and shine marks to indicate sparkle"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Want to find out where your partner stands on marriage, but not sure how to broach the subject? Read on to find how and when to talk about marriage when dating.","title":"How to Talk About Marriage When Dating","slug":"how-to-talk-about-marriage-when-dating","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"How To","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4XxX5CB6Xz06uYVX1pkihD/8363ec8437cf3a9816750c0a772ef8fb/Hero_TraditionalNuptialsinMiami_InfiniteLoopPhotography_Films.jpg","altText":"Talk About Marriage When Dating"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:28.460Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"introduce-families-after-engagement","title":"How To Introduce Your Families Post-Engagement","excerpt":"Not every couple's families have the opportunity to meet before the engagement. Here's how to gracefully introduce your families post-engagement.","author":"Deanna deBara","publishedAt":"2019-09-13T14:37:46.353Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/A54vpDACwsNVuKhv8nejf/778b4b0d4d17b09384b2f113a7177968/Hero_New_Unsplash.jpg","altText":"engaged couple's families meet for the first time"},"heroCredit":"Unsplash","body":"When it comes to families, every couple is different. By the time some couples get engaged, their respective families have already met and spent plenty of time together. On the flip side, the post-engagement period might be the first time both families have the opportunity to meet and get to know each other.\n\nIf you’re recently engaged and have yet to introduce your family to your partner’s family, the thought of bringing everyone together can be stressful. As with so many wedding planning things, though, it doesn’t have to be. Here’s some advice on how to introduce your families after the engagement and how to help it all go smoothly.\n\n## Make the introductions as soon as possible.\nWhen you get engaged, take as much time as you want (and need!) to bask in your post-engagement bliss. Once you’re ready to get started on wedding planning, though, one of the first tasks to tackle should include introducing your families.\n\nIn an ideal world, the sooner you can introduce your family and your partner’s family, the better. This gives everyone more time to get to know each other before the wedding. Plus, the sooner you make the introductions, the easier it is to include everyone—regardless of which family they come from—in the wedding planning process.\n\n![INLINE Unsplash 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4XF7sL7nm3rci47VtXZ5D/82fc09cd98e0cf86b1345c766eda88dc/INLINE__Unsplash_1080x720.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\n## Keep the introductions casual.\nGetting engaged and planning a wedding is already an emotionally charged time. It’s true for you, it’s true for your partner, and it’s true for both of your families. So, you don’t want to add any unnecessary pressure to introducing your families by attaching the introduction to a pinnacle event. If possible, keep the meeting as light, casual, and laid-back as possible.\n\nFor example, instead of introducing your mother and soon-to-be mother-in-law on the day you go [wedding dress shopping](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/who-should-i-invite-wedding-dress-shopping), schedule a low-key brunch a few weeks before the event so they can get acquainted in a more casual setting. Instead of inviting both families to help you [choose a wedding location](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-choose-a-wedding-venue), invite them to your house for a casual BBQ so they can get to know each other before you jump right into the wedding planning world.\n\nKeep it low-pressure and laid back. This will make the process much less stressful for you and your spouse.\n\n## If an in-person introduction isn’t possible, schedule a digital intro.\nDistance might prevent you from bringing you and your partner’s families together before the wedding—but that doesn’t mean you should skip the introduction!\n\nIf an in-person intro isn’t possible, schedule a digital get-together with you, your spouse, and your respective families. Video conferencing tools like Google Hangouts, Zoom, or even Facetime make it easy for you and any of your far-flung family members to get together in the same digital space and meet face-to-face—at least through a screen—before the big day.\n\n## Give both families jobs that bring them together.\nIf you really want your family and your partner’s family to bond before the wedding, give them a common, wedding-related goal to work toward.\n\nFor example, put your sibling and your partner’s sibling in charge of the decorations for the [engagement party](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-plan-an-engagement-party). They can even discuss [engagement party ideas](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/engagement-party-ideas) digitally over email and Facetime if distance is a factor. If proximity isn’t an issue, ask your father and your soon-to-be father-in-law to scout locations for your post-wedding brunch. \n\nThe point is, bringing both families to work on wedding projects is a win-win situation. Your families get to spend time together and get to know each other—and you get to check things off of your wedding planning checklist. \n\n![INLINE Unsplash 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/LzsGUE5gBEtbKvzB0ljct/c0cd08f29827171bf4d1b937ce6ae892/INLINE_Unsplash_1080x720.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\n## Carve out time right before the wedding.\nHopefully, by the time your wedding rolls around, your family and your partner’s family have had the opportunity to get to know each other better—even just a little. Regardless, we recommend finding time in the days leading up to the wedding to bring them together again (or for the first time). This should be a time that’s separate from your [wedding weekend](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/plan-wedding-weekend) events. It doesn’t have to be formal. Get together for dinner or even spend a night together by the hotel bar catching up. Coming together as a family unit ahead of the ceremony is a perfect send-off.\n\nRemember, your wedding is a huge deal for both you and your partner’s families—and they both want to be involved and spend as much time with you as possible. Everyone’s families are different. Whether they meet in person or digitally, there’s a solution to introduce your families after the engagement in a stress-free way.\n","tag":"How To","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"Discover the 60 best bachelorette party themes of 2024 with ideas for activities, drinks, and food. Find the perfect party for every bride!","title":"60 Best Bachelorette Party Themes of 2024","slug":"bachelorette-party-themes","topic":"Parties & events","tag":"Bride's Crew","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/33vA9FilPkEXnDkMjTkg5F/e698249214e8c6ce0673ab8fbee59392/pexels-yuliia-auer-5303406.jpg","altText":"Bachelorette Party Themes & Party Names"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Need inspiration for your wedding hashtag? Here's a complete guide to designing a wedding hashtag perfect for your big day.","title":"9 Easy Ways to Create Your Wedding Hashtag","slug":"9-easy-ways-to-create-your-wedding-hashtag","topic":"Wedding planning 101","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/23UVWEQPhMa4e3bqlKEXQj/30624e2537f56014b66d9109d45a464f/Hero_New__1_.jpg","altText":"couple with wedding hashtag"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"You're engaged! Now it's time to tell people. Here are the best ways to make an engagement announcement that works for you. ","title":"How to Announce Your Engagement","slug":"how-to-announce-your-engagement","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3hk4Xt2gcurIwwAACqfcxh/52d16b9f41ed4c4e63d6f316dcb0379d/How-to-Announce-your-Engagement.jpg","altText":"Couple makes engagement announcement"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"It’s not uncommon for a wedding photographer to include an engagement photo session in their packages. Here's how to make the most of those photos.\n","title":"12 Ways to Get The Most Out of Your Engagement Photos","slug":"how-to-get-most-out-of-your-engagement-photos","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Getting Engaged","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4DEuaFrXVcKgYHHKzYTPMa/ce4ad8cb1fd645069d15c4af106f045b/ErinJacksonPhotog.jpg","altText":"table with decoration pieces and Engagement Photo frame"},"type":"articlePage"}],"featured":[{"excerpt":"Follow these step-by-step instructions for how to plan an engagement party to achieve guaranteed hosting success. ","title":"The Ultimate Guide to Plan an Engagement Party","slug":"how-to-plan-an-engagement-party","topic":"Parties & events","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6gsqs04WfHnnZR5YSUGvch/ac4778019adadb17d985dc84e1ef3aff/Brand_Book_Yeti_03.jpg","altText":"Yeti cooler filled with bottles of sparkling rose wine and glasses filled with wine in the background"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"If you don't like your engagement ring, don't panic. Here are nine tips for how to deal without hurting your partner's feelings.\n","title":"So, You Don't Like Your Engagement Ring—Here's What to Do","slug":"dont-like-engagement-ring","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/MS3dyElvqDAW4HZGjlULM/4cd4f592a1faaf3f23b1a68d2f74a294/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"woman hugs partner after engagement "},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Find the wedding dress of your dreams with our round-up of the 8 best tips for wedding dress shopping—from who to bring to how to budget.","title":"13 Tips for Choosing Your Dream Wedding Dress","slug":"tips-wedding-dress-shopping","topic":"Fashion & beauty","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/7w7Us4gIAHlYiyGjGaDPIS/ecb32dd773cf661b54727b71f4ad2ec2/Pinehurst_Photography_HeroImage_1080x720.jpg","altText":"bride wedding dress shopping"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Social media has turned weddings from guest-only experiences to larger broadcasts for loved ones (or wedding-loving strangers). Here's how to incorporate various social channels into your wedding—in a tactful way.","title":"9 Savvy Ways to Use Social Media at Your Wedding","slug":"9-savvy-ways-to-use-social-media-at-your-wedding","topic":"Wedding planning 101","tag":"How-To ","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6YRX2YvzFDDeaWpHeKQpCp/50c02c930685ce9d76a308197e574702/AliceMaliaPhotography_HeroImage_1080x720.jpg","altText":"social media wedding hashtag sign"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:29.747Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"how-to-combine-your-things-and-move-in-together","title":"How to Combine Your Things and Move In Together","excerpt":"Moving in with your SO? Here's how to combine your things and move in together—free of fighting, stress, or giving up your favorite stuff.\n","author":"Ruksana Hussain","publishedAt":"2019-07-12T14:49:13.201Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6WgkSw4Pnjathj7alsusn2/e7a324622168f05a0d343a8778eaabee/How-to-Combine-your-Things-and-Move-in-Together.jpg","altText":"men combine things and move in together"},"heroCredit":"Zola","body":"Getting married is signing up to share your life with your partner. While parts of the whole “sharing your life” thing are symbolic, others are real and quite tangible—namely moving in together.\n\nIf you don’t already live together, moving in together is the start of [planning your future as newlyweds](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-plan-a-wedding-on-a-budget). And it’s no small feat. After all, you’re literally coming together to share your lives and your living space—and all the kitchen utensils, throw pillows, and electronics that go with it.\n\nIt doesn’t have to be stressful, though, even if you’re both bursting with home goods. Here’s how to combine your things and move in together as simply as possible. \n\n## Take inventory of your stuff…\nFirst things first, you need to take stock of what you both have. Chances are you both have a lot of the same things. It’s a waste of time to pack and move two sets of anything you don’t need two sets of. Take an inventory of everything in your current living space and have your partner do the same. \n\nThen, get together, compare lists, and look for opportunities to either sell or donate duplicate items you won’t need now that you’re moving in together. Here are a few examples of larger items you both might have:\n- [Kitchen appliances](https://homestore.zola.com/shop/category/kitchen) (microwave, Instant Pot, Crock-Pot, Toaster)\n- [Large Electronics](https://homestore.zola.com/shop/category/electronics-and-gadgets) (television, desktop computer, sound system/speakers)\n- [Lighting](https://homestore.zola.com/shop/category/lighting)\n- [Large Furniture](https://homestore.zola.com/shop/category/furniture) (couch, recliner, end tables, dining table and chairs)\n- [Decorative Items](https://homestore.zola.com/shop/category/decor) (bar cart, small and large rugs, planters)\n\nYou don’t want to start your new life in your new space bogged down by too much stuff—plus, again, why move all that extra stuff anyway? (Bonus: this is also a great way to figure out [what to add to your registry](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/wedding-registry-checklist) if you're not already married!)\n\nNow, there might be some duplicate items that you want to keep—and that’s totally fine! For example, if you and your SO both have TVs, you might want to keep them both. Use one in your new bedroom and one in the living room or another common space. Just make sure that you’re actually going to use both items.\n\n![Zola Inlineimage 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/2Aqhlpxai2P9p1AvoMNnkx/dbc28564643608b124cb1553e17985a5/Zola_Inlineimage_1080x720.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Zola\n\n## ...and of your space.\nBefore you move in together, you and your SO have to take inventory of your stuff—but you also need to take inventory of your space. There’s a limit to how much stuff can fit into any space. So before you decide who is bringing what, it’s important to evaluate your new home and figure out what there’s actually room for—and what items might need to be left behind.\n\nFor example, you might love your king-sized bed, but if your new bedroom is smaller than your current digs, bring your partner’s queen. Then, sell or donate your mattress and bed frame. Once you know how much room you’re working with, choose the items that make the most sense within the space.\n\n### How to Decide Between Duplicates\nOne of the challenges of combining stuff is deciding whose stuff stays and whose goes. Some items will prove easy to decide between, but others not so much. When the answer’s not clear, consider the following:\n\n- __Size:__ Which item is going to fit best in your space and with your other furniture? Bigger isn’t always better.\n- __Condition:__ Is one item newer than the other? Is one more dinged up than the other? A newer appliance may last longer than a well-loved one. \n- __Quality:__ Is one of the items a higher-quality brand or known to last longer than the other brand? Take the nicer knives.\n\n![Zola InlineImage 1080x720](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/7iAEqrHK58sKTFUEEfXoSH/3afed75740d7e58b5728e482b9aa4def/Zola_InlineImage_1080x720_.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Zola\n\n## Make space for each other.\nA new home is an opportunity for both of you to make it your own. However, if one of you is moving into the other’s space, it can be a bit more challenging for you both to claim ownership. So, make space for each other.\n\nIf your SO is moving into your place, make sure you put in the extra effort to make them feel at home—and let them know that it’s no longer “your” place, but “our” place. Clear out space in the closet. Swap out some of your furniture so your SO has room to bring some of their own pieces. Rearrange your layout together so you both have a sense of ownership of the space. If you’re the one making the move into your partner’s home, ask for those same things. \n\nThe most important thing is to make sure you both feel at home—regardless of who’s home it was first.\n\n## Prepare to compromise.\nNo matter how in sync you and your partner are, there’s going to be at least an item or two in each of your respective homes that the other isn’t thrilled about. Enter: compromise.\n\nEveryone has things they love or attach sentimental value to. So, you and your partner both need to be willing to compromise on at least a few of those things for each other. For example, you might not love comic books, but if your partner has been collecting comics since they were a kid, it’s important to make space in your new home for them to display their collection (it doesn’t have to be the living room).\n\nCompromise is part of any happy, healthy marriage—and if you can compromise with your partner on the items that are meaningful to them (even if those items mean nothing to you), it will make the process of combining your things and moving in together a lot smoother.\n\n## Take a break.\nNo matter how excited you are to be moving in together, it’s a stressful process. So, take regular breaks. If you find yourself growing agitated when your SO takes up too much closet space or your partner seems snappier than usual, press pause and do something else. \n\nHit your favorite spot for dinner, go for a walk, or find another way to take a breather and disconnect. The point is, moving is inherently taxing. If you don’t want the stress to feel overwhelming, it’s important to step away every once in a while and spend some time with your partner (away from all the boxes that still need to be packed/unpacked).\n\n## Happy moving!\nCombining your things and moving in together can be tricky. Employ these tips and try your best to stay calm and composed. You’ll be happily moved, the perfect amount of stuff in tow, before you know it.\n","tag":"How-To ","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:32.061Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"changing-your-name","title":" What No One Tells You About Changing Your Name","excerpt":"Planning a wedding leads to a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, you’re filled with excitement, about to marry the love of your life surrounded by your friends and family. On the other hand, you’ve never been so stressed trying to balance finding invitations with cake tastings, dress fittings and a million other details.\n","publishedAt":"2019-04-23T18:53:48.210Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5b3vTxyYWsCHboaWqTwACy/415a598b61697f6478a6d48e7f410c94/4031118.jpg","altText":"Newlyweds Holding Hands changing name surname"},"heroCredit":" Erin L. Taylor Photography","heroCreditUrl":"https://www.zola.com/inspiration/wedding-photographers/erin-l-taylor-photography","body":"---\n*__Content by our partners at Née Name Change. We may earn compensation if you click the link or button below.__*\n\n---\n","tag":"Inspiration","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"sponsorCta":{"copy":"Get Started","url":"https://www.zola.com/shop/brand/nee-name-change"},"sponsorName":"Née Name Change","sponsorAbout":"It's simple. You want the name change without the hassle, without a headache, and let's face it, without the wait. We get it; you got better things to do than wait in a line for hours and fill out countless (and probably outdated) applications. Here at Née Name Change, we want you to rest assured. We've got you covered! Simply provide us with your basic information, and we provide the rest. The future of name change has evolved, and we're here to prove to you just how easy it can be. \n\nWith Née Name Change you can now change your name online, instead of in-line!\n","sponsoredBottomContent":"Planning a wedding leads to a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, you’re filled with excitement, about to marry the love of your life surrounded by your friends and family. On the other hand, you’ve never been so stressed trying to balance finding invitations with cake tastings, dress fittings and a million other details.\n\nThe last thing you want to do is spend hours filling out paperwork and on the phone informing dozens of entities about your [name change after marriage](https://zola.com/expert-advice/name-change-after-marriage). However, if you go about this process the old-fashioned way, that’s exactly what you’ll end up doing. Here’s what no one tells you about changing your name (and how to avoid this process altogether… hint hint [Née Name Change](https://www.zola.com/shop/brand/nee-name-change)\n\n## YOU HAVE OPTIONS\nBefore you start the process, you need to decide what name you’ll take. Changing your name doesn’t necessarily mean dropping your last name and replacing it with your soon to be husbands. Although that’s pretty common, more brides are choosing alternative methods, that are better suited for their personal or professional needs.\nIn most states, men and women can legally change their last name to their new spouse’s last name, hyphenate their two last names, or even create an entirely new name with a combination of both of their last names. #Trendy\n\n## NOT JUST A ONE-STOP-SHOP\nJust like when you and your friends head to a bottomless mimosa brunch, it’s important to remind yourself that this is a marathon, not a sprint. It can get pretty overwhelming with all the different paperwork and places you have to notify. The process itself is time-consuming and requires a lot of patience. You have to prepare to spend a good amount checking off all the boxes before completing your name change.\n\n## YOU HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE… WE MEAN EVERYONE\nYou don’t realize how important your name is until you change it. When you do enter this process, you need to notify the Social Security Administration, the IRS and the DMV for your new paperwork and license. You will also need to inform banks, credit card companies, and utility companies. Any documentation- like your passport- will also need to be updated.\n\nYou’ll need to get new checks, notify the post office, and update your medical records and insurance. If you have legal documents like a will or trust, you’ll want to look into changing them as well. Employers as well as friends and family members, should also be notified. *Insert deep breath here*\n\n## WHAT TO DO ABOUT KIDS…\nIf you are not married yet and you’re having a child, the baby will automatically take the mother’s last name unless you as parents request otherwise. If you are travelling alone with children whose last name doesn’t match your own, you might have to provide a notarized letter saying that the child is indeed yours.\nHaving a different last name than your child can make it difficult not just while travelling, but when it comes to doctor’s appointments and schooling.\n\n## THERE’S GOOD NEWS\nFeeling overwhelmed yet? The good news is you’ve come to the right place. At [Née Name Change](https://www.zola.com/shop/brand/nee-name-change), our goal is to simplify this process for you, so you can focus on more important things like bonding with your (not so warm and fuzzy) mother-in-law.\nWith our help, you won’t need to worry about where to start. We take care of gathering which forms you’ll need, showing you how to fill them out, and submitting applications. You can thank us later.\n","sponsorLogoImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/3OiDHetvmksiT1f9MOlzRf/d20beff46b642b93b02a57f9411f3d4a/1.png","altText":"Née Name Change"},"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-11-22T19:03:03.574Z"},{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples"},"slug":"top-advice-for-engaged-couples","title":"8 Top Advice for Engaged Couples Before Tying the Knot","excerpt":"Getting ready to walk down the aisle? Review this top advice for engaged couples before saying your “I dos!” Read on now.","author":"Jennifer Prince","publishedAt":"2020-12-22T21:42:30.882Z","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/5E0cadqtqJvlQoTAphPWQj/4baf2c26099e5d919932c4d204e95830/Hero_Modern_RomanticNavyStyledShoot_KristinaKarinaPhotography.jpg","altText":"Top Advice for Engaged Couples"},"heroCredit":"Kristina Karina Photography","body":"The question has been asked, celebrations have been had, and now that you are officially an engaged couple, what happens next? __[Planning the wedding](https://zola.app.link/bVto6waeI7)__ is one of the most important things, of course. But there’s still a lot of work to do before you walk down the aisle, and __[Zola](https://zola.app.link/7cWRVj2fK7)__ is here to offer the best advice. Before you spend the rest of your life together, there are lots of steps as you start planning.\n\nMany couples crave [relationship advice](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/what-are-the-5-most-important-things-in-a-relationship) for engaged couples to help them before starting to figure out the little things, such as color schemes and themes. Seeking pre-marriage advice is smart and can really help your relationship in the long term. It’s important to enjoy your engagement season before you say I do and become newlyweds. \n\nThese [pieces of advice](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/to-dos-after-you-get-engaged) will help ease the stress of being engaged and help relieve any engagement anxiety. After all, this is a time for you to enjoy that shouldn’t cause extra stress in your already busy lives. Here are Zola’s tips on pre-wedding advice to set your [engagement period](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/the-first-10-things-to-do-when-planning-a-wedding) up for the highest success.\n\n## 1. Enjoy Being Engaged First\n\n![Top Advice for Engaged Couples SR](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4aXQVUWHa9d7Wx6Rlov4lL/507b92b91f9c0d71a21bd0c3bfaa4786/Inline_unsplash__33_.png)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\nPlanning a wedding can be exciting, and wanting to jump on social media to shout, “I’m engaged!” is understandable, but hold off. Enjoy being engaged for a little bit, because this is such a special time—you’ll want to remember and cherish every moment. It may also be one of the most challenging times that you face as a couple. Give yourselves time to dream and bask in the glow of taking that next step to a happy engagement.\n\n## 2. Make Time for the Big Conversations\n\nIt’s time for the tough conversations of what you want the wedding to look like before you jump feet first into planning. It won’t be the easiest conversation, but you’ll want to discuss the following as the foundation for wedding planning.\n\n- __Creating a Budget:__ How much can you comfortably afford to spend? Money can be a tension trigger, and Zola is here to help you find practical ways to save money and create a __[wedding budget](https://zola.app.link/cdPFiDyN71)__. “Plan with a firm budget in mind, and have real conversations about what the wedding looks like for the two of you,” says Sharea Farmer, LCSW, owner of RS Counseling and Wellness. Creating a budget also gives you a long-term vision. “Have an honest discussion surrounding feelings of money and a budget. Make sure it’s a collaborative effort, not just left in the hands of the person who’s ‘better with money.’ This way there’s no room for confusion about what the expectation is for budgeting as a family. Talk about having joint accounts, separate accounts, and even a savings plan. How will you make the final decision on large money purchases like a home, cars, and even the wedding?” says Farmer. \n\n- __Wedding Size:__ How many guests are you planning to invite for your big day? This is also the time to figure out who will be at the wedding party. “Ensure that you’re creating the wedding for you and not trying to have a fantasy wedding for family, friends, or social media,” says Farmer.\n\n- __Location:__ Will it be a destination wedding or something local? Finding a place that embodies both of you will be key in finding a __[wedding venue](https://www.zola.com/wedding-vendors/search/wedding-venues)__ you agree on.\n\n## 3. Don’t Spend All Your Time Planning\nBeing engaged is a magical time in your life, so don’t let it get consumed by wedding talk and stress. You’re preparing to marry, so your engagement should be about being in love and gearing up to start a new journey together. Set aside time when no wedding talk is allowed. The only rule is to focus on your relationship and not the wedding. There will be plenty of time to plan with your future spouse, plus you reduce the risk of being stressed and overwhelmed before your wedding day.\n\n## 4. Schedule Date Nights\nWhile you’re busy preparing for the big day, it’s still important to carve out time to date each other and have some fun. Stress and tension can get the best of you, so schedule a date night with your sweetie before it happens.\n\nFarmer says even after you do tie the knot, it’s important to keep the spark lit by continuing to date each other. “Always make time for the partnership, even as the family grows and evolves. There will be new responsibilities and new stressors, but the foundation must remain intact, and that comes with continuing to date one another and learning who you are at each stage in life,” she explains.\n\nStart practicing the commitment to prioritize dating, whether it’s through dinner dates, vacations, or even home dates, says Dr. Curtis D. Jasper, Ph.D., a therapist and couple’s counselor. “Dating helps couples increase and a strong affinity for one another, as well as chemistry for one another,” says Jasper. \n\n## 5. Get Pre-Marital Counseling\nCommunication is key in any relationship, but especially crucial for engaged couples. Farmer says that part of the pre-marital counseling process should be continuing the conversation about big life-changing moments, including where to live, financial expectations, and expanding your family with kids and pets. She says the keys to healthy communication with your future spouse include:\n\n- __Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable:__ Farmer says this means being clear in what it is that you need and want because your partner is not a mind reader. Farmer suggests learning how to exit the conversation without being abusive if it gets heated. “Successful partners know how to leave an argument and allow cooler heads to prevail.”\n- __Use “I” Statements:__ Discussions aren’t about being right, but instead, it’s about doing what’s right for your relationship as a married couple. Consider “we” instead of “I.”\n- __Complete Conversations:__ Always complete what you’re attempting to communicate. “It doesn’t always happen in one conversation, but see it all the way through,” says Farmer. \n- __Celebrate the Good Out Loud:__ Remind each other why you fell for each other. Affirm and uplift each other often. \n\n## 6. Decide To Do or Not Do It for Instagram\n\n![Top Advice for Engaged Couples SR](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/OCllgL2QGABMVnsqMja5Y/816b8794714e39fe773cdc5244b15b46/Inline_unsplash__34_.png)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\nIt’s exciting to share your engagement news with thousands of your social media friends, but be careful of what you do share as a newly engaged couple. “The intimacy of your relationship should remain private. Keep arguments and disagreements away from social media. Also, have a conversation about boundaries and the expectations of others once your relationship has begun and become public,” advises Farmer. \n\n“An obvious rule of thumb is that if one partner has a problem with a post or something else on social media, it's best to remove it or stop it. There are lots more offline challenges waiting to happen with just experiencing and sharing a life with a partner. Don’t allow online disagreements to spill over into the offline relationship. You’re going to need all the energy and resources for offline, real-world challenges,” says Jasper.\n\n### 7. Do Not Ask or Consider Everyone’s Opinions\nOnce you get an engagement ring, everyone from your wedding planner to your family members and future in-laws will want to weigh in with their planning tips. And while that’s ok, you don’t need to stress over pleasing everyone. While you’re bridesmaids and best friends may want to accompany you to select a wedding dress, at the end of the day, it may be too many opinions for you to handle. Only take advice that aligns with what you truly envision for yourself, your partner, and your big day.\n\n## 8. Make Sure to Take Engagement Photos\nDon’t miss out on the opportunity to remember the moment in time by having [engagement photos](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/how-to-take-authentic-engagement-photos). While you can get pictures taken during the proposal as the engagement ring is slipped on, don’t stress if that isn’t possible. You have your entire engagement period to work with a photographer to schedule a different time. You can use the images to make a wedding guest book that your loved ones can sign on your big day. Or you can simply display them in your home. Either way, celebrate your engagement season with photos of just the two of you.\n\n## Zola, the Place for Your Wedding Planning Needs\nNavigating from the initial engagement through the actual wedding can be overwhelming, but Zola is here to help make your wedding dreams become a reality. Zola has the answers whether you need a destination wedding venue in New York City or are trying to figure out who to put on your guest list. Our expert advice section is here for you 24/7, so you can start planning immediately. \n\nAlso, don’t forget to [create your registry](https://www.zola.com/wedding-registry) and sign up for a [free wedding website](https://www.zola.com/wedding-planning/website). Zola truly is a one-stop shop that has everything you need to prepare for your special day and beyond. For more tips on how to get started on __[wedding planning](https://zola.app.link/2tbNwzyN71)__, click __[here](https://zola.app.link/7cWRVj2fK7)__.","tag":"Advice","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"You and your partner have been dating for a while—when is it time to take the big step and move in together? Read on to find out.","title":"9 Signs That You Are Ready To Move In Together","slug":"when-should-you-move-in-together","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"Advice","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6z1izCU2tGEqryBcT8bFYr/4b6c68a7c775065543b70388532a288f/Hero_New__19_.jpg","altText":"couple moving in together"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Just engaged and wondering what’s next? A lot goes into wedding planning, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are the must-do to-dos after getting engaged.","title":"Just Engaged? Here’s What To Do Next!","slug":"to-dos-after-you-get-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6KWedC7RqcjzNqK8zy0LoU/286c6acfc830a30a9ac4d274ebf14501/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"Illustration graphic of an engagement ring box with a wedding ring and shine marks to indicate sparkle"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Want to find out where your partner stands on marriage, but not sure how to broach the subject? Read on to find how and when to talk about marriage when dating.","title":"How to Talk About Marriage When Dating","slug":"how-to-talk-about-marriage-when-dating","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"How To","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4XxX5CB6Xz06uYVX1pkihD/8363ec8437cf3a9816750c0a772ef8fb/Hero_TraditionalNuptialsinMiami_InfiniteLoopPhotography_Films.jpg","altText":"Talk About Marriage When Dating"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-02-05T16:52:32.859Z"}],"name":"Newly engaged couples","slug":"newly-engaged-couples","description":"Congratulations on your engagement! In the midst of planning your wedding, you might need general advice on navigating life as a newly engaged couple. We give expert advice on topics like navigating a long distance engagement and answer questions like how to introduce your fiance to your family. We're here to guide and support you, in all ways, throughout this journey!"},{"name":"Newlywed couples","slug":"newlywed-couples","description":"Congrats Newlyweds! As your wedding celebrations come to an end, you might be asking yourselves some questions on topics like combining finances, navigating post-wedding blues (it's a thing!) or buying a house and preparing to start a family. Find expert marriage advice to guide you through the start of your forever and beyond."},{"featuredArticles":[],"name":"Anniversaries","slug":"anniversaries","description":"Your guide to celebrating wedding anniversaries! From anniversary gifts by year to celebrating with a vow renewal ceremony, find all the advice and inspiration you need to make every anniversary super special."}],"featured":[{"type":"articlePage","topic":{"name":"Relationship advice","slug":"relationship-advice"},"subtopic":{"name":"Newlywed couples","slug":"newlywed-couples"},"slug":"the-3-best-pieces-of-marriage-advice-according-to-a-marriage-therapist","title":"20 Best Marriage Advice Tips from Experts and Old Couples","excerpt":"We spoke with a marriage therapist and couples about their best marriage advice for engaged couples, newlyweds, and couples celebrating another year of marriage.","author":"McCall Minnor","publishedAt":"2024-03-19T11:00-04:00","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/7yk1TfwWjXPYXYiIyuvc4B/a8e8f51ad7935471908fa94113c38734/Hero_MountainDestinationWeddingatTheMagnoliaVenue_HeatherFaulknerPhotograhy.jpg","altText":"Mixed race bride and groom looking at each other lovingly on their big day"},"heroCredit":"Heather Faulkner Photograhy","body":"Marriage isn’t all bliss and riding off into the night after you say your I do’s. While your love for your partner may feel as strong as ever post-nuptials, marriages take effort and a continual choice to honor your vows daily. Make no mistake, this is no easy feat. That’s why there’s no shame in seeking out relationship advice that could aid in keeping your union as strong and healthy as ever.\n\nWe rounded up the [best advice for marriage](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/topic/relationship-advice) from therapists and couples whose love has stood the test of time. See our 20 top marriage advice tips below.\n\n## 1. Marriage is work\n\nYou must be willing to put in the work. “You have to know that love is more than an emotion,” notes Mary Kay Cocharo, licensed marriage and family therapist. Being in a relationship, especially a marriage, needs more than your fondness for one another to last. “People fall in love, so they decide they should be partners and get married,” she says. “And while love is great and propels you into that commitment, it’s just the beginning. It’s not enough. A really good partnership takes commitment and kindness and generosity, and it requires tools like good communication.”\n\n![The 3 Best Pieces of Marriage Advice, According to a Marriage Therapist](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/21YPS00yipioc55eyxZxfr/bba0aaf048616219ca213681145abbc9/inline_unsplash_1_.jpg)\n*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\n## 2. Listen more\n\nWithout a doubt, every healthy marriage will hit a rough spot, be it internal or external. When that happens, your love for each other will be the thing that makes you want to get through it, but it can’t do all the heavy lifting alone. That’s when you have to be able to have productive conversations, understand your partner’s perspective, and decide how to move forward.\n\n## 3. The honeymoon will end\n\n“When couples get married, those early hormones and chemicals that happen towards the beginning of a relationship—the ones that launch us into commitment—start to wear off. Neuroscientists tell us this happens after about two years,” Cocharo explains. What she’s referring to is a study done by a team from the University of Pisa in Italy. They found that the bodily chemistry that makes people sexually attracted to a new partner lasts, at most, for two years. “They wear off, and now you’re looking at [your partner] and realize, oh, we have differences.”\n\nExpecting this and knowing it’s inevitable (and completely normal) softens the initial blow tremendously. If you recognize this before it happens, you can even work to make sure you have the tools to get through future married life difficulties.\n\n## 4. Use the right tools\n\nLearn and use relationship tools like good communication, healthy boundaries, and actively showing your partner love. These marriage work tools heavily aid in resolving disagreements and getting through those inevitable tough times. “Sometimes couples will hit something difficult and use that to mean they’ve chosen the wrong person or that it’s over. That’s just not true,” Cocharo says.\n\n“It’s hard, and sometimes you don’t have the proper tools. Maybe you didn’t grow up in a situation that taught you about love and respect or being a married partner. In that case, you just need to get the help. You don’t just give up.”\n\nNot sure where to get the tools? Consult a marriage therapist. There are also tons of helpful books, workbooks, workshops, and even phone apps (try [Love Nudge](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.grootersproductions.challenge&hl=en)) you can use to do couples’ exercises and prompt conversations with your partner. So long as you’re willing to seek out help (and you have an internet connection), you have the ability to learn and use the tools that will take your marriage the distance.\n\n## 5. Take care of yourself\n\nAn often overlooked key part of having a successful marriage is taking care of yourself. “When some people get married, they think it’s their partner’s job to take care of them. In reality, everyone is busy and has a lot on their plate—you really do need to put on your own oxygen mask first,” says Cocharo. This isn’t to say that you can’t lean on your partner and vice-versa, but rather that when you get married, you should continue to treat your well-being and self-care as a priority. Don’t expect that responsibility to be handed off to your loved one. Making time for self care assures you’re happy and healthy and lets you bring your best self to the relationship.\n\n“Make sure you’re doing the things that make you a happy, healthy, whole person. Simple things like eating right, exercising, and getting out in nature. Maybe praying or meditating, reading, or whatever calms you down. Also, going to see friends and visiting family,” Cocharo suggests.\n\n## 6. Marriage is 60/40\n\nSome people say marriage is 50/50, but that’s really hard to measure, and it often ends up with both partners feeling shorted. With the [60/40 relationship rule](https://psychiatristsnyc.com/blog/want-a-successful-relationship-practice-this-one-rule/), a marriage is uneven, with both partners feeling like they’re giving 60%. When you put in 60%, “you’re giving your partner love on their terms,” says Mt. Sinai psychiatrist and relationship expert Amanda Itzkoff. “When both partners focus on giving 60% and taking just 40%, the relationship has an overwhelming chance of being successful.”\n\n![Stocksy txp05f31680VSp300 Large 4393583](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/M61DW5GeWvu5fk28aEm4F/6ff9b06201a5df87012dcbd2edecf6bd/Stocksy_txp05f31680VSp300_Large_4393583.jpg)\n\n## 7. Lose the battle, win the war\n\nYou might feel like you *have to get them to mow the lawn today, or if you pay for that new kitchen, you won’t save enough this year*. Go ahead and lose those smaller battles now to build a healthier marriage. As Benjamin Franklin famously said, “If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes, but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will.”\n\n## 8. Start counseling before you need it\n\nWaiting until there’s a problem before you start marriage therapy is like waiting to get teeth pulled instead of flossing every night. According to Marriage.com, the [best time to start couple’s therapy](https://www.marriage.com/advice/pre-marriage/when-to-start-pre-marital-counseling/) is as soon as possible, and preferably before you’re married. Think of marriage counseling like coaching, not a sign that something is broken. Choose a good coach, and use it as an opportunity to work on and change yourself—not your partner.\n\n## 9. Listen to audiobooks\n\nOne chief cause of marital stress is endlessly replaying arguments after they have ended. After an argument, the tendency is to stew about it and try to make sense of it. While working to understand is healthy, it can put your emotions on perpetual simmer. Listening to an audiobook while you mow the lawn or do the dishes can keep you from stewing, give your feelings time to reset, and even show you good ideas that can help you strengthen your relationship. Get an Audible subscription or a free app from your local library.\n\n## 10. Eat first, fight later\n\nThis piece of marriage advice is so simple it’s easy to overlook it. Before you talk to your spouse, have a meal or at least a snack. [Eating a meal increases agreeableness](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25770700/) (so your partner is more likely to see your point of view) and reduces dominance and submissiveness (so you’re less likely to be overbearing or give in too easily). Feel a fight coming on? Take a snack break.\n\n## 11. Give grace\n\nSpoiler alert: Your spouse isn’t going to do everything right. In fact, they’ll often do things very wrong. If you keep a tally of every way they’ve let you down, you may win on points, but your relationship will lose. Grace is saying, “You did wrong, but I forgive you, and I love you anyway.” Give your partner a clean slate every day (and every hour). And while you’re at it, give some of that forgiveness to yourself.\n\n![The 3 Best Pieces of Marriage Advice, According to a Marriage Therapist](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1HJfLa2CMijLEdHHEsEu1S/a4c519b7964854f6d9dc505d26ea971a/inline_unsplash.jpg)*Photo Credit* // Unsplash\n\n## 12. Don’t assume\n\nOur brains are good at filling in the blanks. The problem is it’s easy to fill in someone else’s thoughts. That’s why talking without judging, arguing, or adding your opinions is so healthy for relationships. When you let your partner talk, you won’t have to fill in any blanks. You’ll know. Sound easy? It’s not. Active listening is a skill you’ll have to learn, like playing the piano or shooting jump shots. You can start with Kate Murphy’s eye-opening book, *[You’re Not Listening](https://www.amazon.com/Youre-Not-Listening-Missing-Matters/dp/1250779871/ref=asc_df_1250779871/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=507975958237&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=4121891810911394376&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9009250&hvtargid=pla-927127602652&psc=1&mcid=8b3bcf03afe0323998a173033f904849&gclid=CjwKCAiAs6-sBhBmEiwA1Nl8s6BMtsMauL9PKTvLkL8cIwriOgAOodo2CRdL2l8b-3Dri_GbvanGvhoCsssQAvD_BwE)*.\n\n## 13. Learn to fight\n\nPrediction: you will fight. But—you can fight in a way that weakens your relationship or strengthens it. The secret here is that nobody is born knowing how to fight the right way. And though there’s plenty of great advice online (be respectful, take a break if things get heated, use active listening), they’re easier said than done. So, consider taking a class on how to fight. Some marriage counselors and churches offer fighting classes for couples, and the online [Couples Fight School](https://masteringconflict.com/couples-fight-school/) can be a fun, rewarding experience for both of you.\n\n## 14. Learn to apologize\n\nWe all know we should eat humble pie from time to time, but did you know there’s a right way and a wrong way? The key is to accept full responsibility (no buts), then take your lumps. Expect your partner to unload on you after you say you’re sorry and accept it with more listening. Then, be willing to make it right, give in, and give up something you thought you really wanted. (What’s more important, winning the argument or your marriage?)\n\n## 15. Be a team\n\nYou’re in this together. While this may sound like cliche marriage advice, the key point is to see problems as both of you vs the problem, not both of you against each other. Don’t blame each other. For a little inspiration, see this *Atlantic* article: [Marriage Is a Team Sport](https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/11/how-collaboration-can-improve-marriage-relationships/672048/).\n\n## 16. Spend now or spend later\n\nIs it too expensive to take your spouse out to eat once a week? Is time precious to you? You may want to spend time or money on things that set you up for a good life later, but what good will it do you if there’s nobody there to share it with? Spend a big chunk of your time and money on your spouse now, even if it’s not the smartest play for your career or finances. If you don’t, you may spend it later in divorce proceedings and custody arrangements.\n\n![newly engaged couple in debt](//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/7GFbYLisIT4eBAT2WM3y31/247792361f0df7f70e34e6d542dffcb1/HERO_Unsplash_1080x720__6_.jpg)\n\n## 17. Love is a decision, not a feeling\n\nIf you don’t feel loved, you may mistakenly conclude your marriage is a failure. And while [most couples](https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/64-percent-of-americans-say-theyre-happy-in-their-relationships-300595502.html) report being happy with their marriages, there will undoubtedly be times you don’t feel loved at all. When that happens, take comfort in knowing that [love is more of a choice](https://psychcentral.com/relationships/love-is-a-choice-more-than-a-feeling) than a feeling. To choose from the heart, read the Amazon bestseller *[Love Is a Decision](https://www.amazon.com/Love-Decision-Gary-Smalley/dp/0849942683)* by marriage counselor Gary Smalley.\n\n## 18. Let them grow\n\n“You’re not the woman I married.” Surprise—she won’t be. In fact, 90% of adults will change at *least* one major personality trait in the next few years. So, if your marriage lasts 50 years, you might end up married to a completely different person from the one you said “I do” to. The gold nugget of marriage advice here is to accept that from the start. Instead of resisting change, expect it, celebrate it, and accept it.\n\n## 19. Just show up\n\nYou don’t have to have an opinion on every issue or a solution to every problem. You don’t even need to say something every time there’s a lull in the conversation. Sometimes, just your presence can show you’re there for your partner, and that can win their goodwill. That’s a lot better than looking like you have all the answers.\n\n## 20. You can’t fix them, so don’t\n\nYour partner is going to have flaws, and some of them will be big. You can encourage and support them, but you can’t repair their damage. While this can be a hard pill to swallow, you married them, not the person they could be. You can help that medicine go down by acknowledging your own flaws and spending some time reflecting on their strengths. Accept and honor who they are, [along with your differences](https://www.stanfordcouplescounseling.com/rebuilding-emotional-safety-strengthening-your-relationship-by-accepting-your-partners-differences-part-3/).\n\nAlthough we here at Zola concentrate on wedding planning, we also realize that your celebration is a small part of your lifetime together. While you’re [choosing flowers](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/the-most-popular-wedding-flowers), arranging the [ceremony](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/a-guide-to-the-wedding-ceremony-order-of-events), and planning the [honeymoon](https://www.zola.com/expert-advice/best-honeymoon-destinations), don’t forget that your wedding is the start of a lifetime together. We want to give you the best start you can have—from the planning stages of your engagement to the start of a beautiful life partnership. ","tag":"Advice","widget1":{"marketingModule":{"tag":"EA_Masterbrand"}},"nextUp":[{"excerpt":"Just engaged and wondering what’s next? A lot goes into wedding planning, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are the must-do to-dos after getting engaged.","title":"Just Engaged? Here’s What To Do Next!","slug":"to-dos-after-you-get-engaged","topic":"Getting engaged","tag":"Inspiration","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/6KWedC7RqcjzNqK8zy0LoU/286c6acfc830a30a9ac4d274ebf14501/Hero_New.jpg","altText":"Illustration graphic of an engagement ring box with a wedding ring and shine marks to indicate sparkle"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Want to find out where your partner stands on marriage, but not sure how to broach the subject? Read on to find how and when to talk about marriage when dating.","title":"How to Talk About Marriage When Dating","slug":"how-to-talk-about-marriage-when-dating","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"How To","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/4XxX5CB6Xz06uYVX1pkihD/8363ec8437cf3a9816750c0a772ef8fb/Hero_TraditionalNuptialsinMiami_InfiniteLoopPhotography_Films.jpg","altText":"Talk About Marriage When Dating"},"type":"articlePage"},{"excerpt":"Finding the person you spend forever with is no easy task. There are signs to look out for to know if someone is your soulmate. Learn more here.","title":"How Do You Know You’ve Found “The One“?","slug":"how-do-you-know-youve-found-the-one","topic":"Relationship advice","tag":"Advice","heroImage":{"src":"//images.ctfassets.net/77l22z9el0aa/1qEbZGmQOEVaFZN6Y5nzWM/6c3650f50147658c78f789ed88111e8a/Hero_ModernFallElopementatFreeman-s_AngelicaRadwayPhotography.jpg","altText":"Finding the one to marry"},"type":"articlePage"}],"stickyCta":{"copy":"Start Planning With Zola","url":"https://www.zola.com/wedding/onboard?product=WEDDING_PLANNING"},"updatedAt":"2024-03-19T18:42:19.548Z"}]}},"userAgent":"Mozilla/5.0 AppleWebKit/537.36 (KHTML, like Gecko; compatible; ClaudeBot/1.0; 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